Ways to Handle Anger

Most of us are afraid of our anger, or would feel ashamed if we expressed it openly, so we suppress it and pretend we don’t have it.  However, that is not healthy and we need to find a way to deal with what is a very normal emotion.  There is nothing bad about anger.  It is only toxic and potentially dangerous if we suppress or repress it.  Watch the video to learn a 4-point strategy for dealing with anger and any other emotion.

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13 Responses to Ways to Handle Anger

  1. sher says:

    thanks for this.. any other recommendations on how to get this wisdom across when working with an angry 10 year old, who cannot quite synthesize and act on this wisdom?

  2. Nina says:

    Hello Colin!
    I find your posts on feelings/emotions very interesting and helpful. Thanks a lot :o)
    Can you tell me what´s the difference between radical forgiveness and over spiritualizing in terms of avoiding/handling feelings?

    Many greetings from Germany

    • Colin says:

      Radical Forgiveness encourages you to feel the feelings. As a matter of fact, it is the second stage of the Radical Forgiveness process, after telling the story. It isn’t until the fourth stage after collapsing the story, that we even get into what the spiritual significance might be by reframing the story. So, Radical Forgiveness is in no way over spiritualizing or avoiding feelings.

  3. Brilliant, Colin. This video gives us a really simple, 4 step method to handle really strong emotions. I love your wisdom!

  4. Rosemary says:

    I use a 3 column approach. The first one has the anger or resentment. The second connects thinking by asking ” what is the need or want that is frustrated?” The third column recognizes that “want” means to desire something or to lack something. I identify what is lacking or missing. Then that is what I express. What is lacking is usually a clear value that also helps a person to define their identity. Example: I resent put-downs. I want acceptance. I lack respect.

  5. Mary Hoffman says:

    Very helpful as always.
    Thank you,

  6. joyce miles says:

    Sure helped me today. I needed it last week when my guy and I got into a shouting match. Now I can be aware if we get angry again and how to handle the situation.

  7. Mary Vogel says:

    I can’t wait to get mad at something, so I can try this strategy. Just kidding, but suppressed anger is a problem–a big problem–for me, so I’m happy to get this four step process. Thanks so much for all that you do.

  8. Colin, thanks for another insightful and powerful video. You are addressing issues that most folks don’t want to address. Your 4 Point Process to Handling Anger is spot on! It’s so important that anger be acknowledged, addressed, felt and released. If not, it builds up and comes out sideways so to speak.

  9. Jasper Atma says:

    Brilliant! Such key points delivered so succinctly! I found it particularly useful for stopping to identify and feel the feeling, for remembering to express it eventually, and the top tools for releasing anger safely. Nice one!

  10. Doris Cipek says:

    Thank you Colin for this video – I find it very helpful, have just read it. Does contain a lot of what I already know- it badly needs remembering, though !!

    Regards from Vienna, Austria.


  11. James says:

    Hi – Thanks for the video. I really appreciate your encouragement of forgiveness and the simple methods that you make available. However, in my opinion, venting by pillow bashing will reduce the chances of eventual forgiveness as its rehearsing the thinking that fed the anger in the first place. I tried pillow bashing some years ago and I didn’t become less angry. This suspicion was confirmed when I read some research by Brad Bushman : http://sitemaker.umich.edu/brad.bushman/files/PSPB02.pdf http://bushman.socialpsychology.org/publications
    Best wishes – and thanks for your consideration

    • Colin says:

      “Pillow bashing” has nothing to do with anger. It is all about moving the stuck energy and releasing what no longer serves you. We have been using this method, among others, for several years with remarkable results. You can pillow bash the positive reinforcement into your energy field also.

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