Partnership is all about commitment. When you come into partnership with someone, you do so on the basis of a number of agreements. Unfortunately, few are expressed or discussed; most of the agreements we base our partnerships on are implied or assumed. Is it any wonder, therefore, so many of us find ourselves in a position of needing to forgive our partner for not keeping their side of the bargain or falling short of our expectations?
While there is a real need for such agreements to be hashed out at the very beginning of a relationship, with realistic boundaries established up-front, we need to back up and ask the question: What is the purpose of relationships anyway, and why are they so difficult? Answer that, and we can understand how the system works.
You would be forgiven if you were to assume that the purpose of committed relationship is to stave off loneliness and make yourself happy. This is not true at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. During the first half of our lives the purpose of relationships is about creating opportunities to experience the pain of separation.
I know this sounds very glib but I have explained this radical idea in depth in my recent book on relationships. The basic assumption I make is that we have come into the physical realm to experience separation in order to really understand the true nature of Oneness. Who better to give us the experience of separation than those we feel most connected to on the human plane? Our spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, and trusted colleagues provide endless opportunities for us to feel separation and in many different forms: rejection, abandonment, abuse, disappointment, unmet expectations, infidelity, shaming, manipulation and so on.
Things change dramatically once we begin to awaken. Having achieved our goal of experiencing the amount of separation we signed up for this lifetime, our understanding of the true purpose of relationship shifts. We find ourselves able to easily and quickly forgive whatever happened during that period of separation, because we become aware that there was a spiritual purpose for it. In that sense, no one had done anything wrong.
But even after we have awakened, many of the old energies remain in our mind and body. That is why we need to go back to those times when we felt victimized by our partners and clear that negative energy out once and for all using the tools of Radical Forgiveness, bringing our energy back into present time. This renewal of our present energy can then be applied to creating our future and making a difference in the world.
Take a look at Moving Forward: A 21 Day Program for Forgiving Your Partner and Healing a Relationship. This program applies to both current and past relationships; as we know, the need for healing doesn’t end when a relationship ends.
Next week, I will address some of the practical considerations as we heal our relationships and expand into Love.