From a very early age, we learned to blame others for everything unpleasant that occurred. While blaming is a great strategy for creating separation in relationship, it is nothing compared to the mechanics of projection.
Blaming is done consciously and with awareness; projection is an entirely unconscious activity generated from deep down in our unconscious minds. This is where we store a stinking heap of horrible, rotting emotional garbage. Generated as a result of having been shamed over something, it is pushed down and kept there, out of sight and away from the light, to ensure no one (certainly not the owner!) shall ever be acquainted with it again.
This shadow material offers a vast opportunity for creating separation: Separation within ourselves, because it splits us into two, the part we present to the world and the part we keep nicely hidden; and separation from others because we subconsciously attract into our lives others exhibiting some aspect of our own self-hatred, which we project onto them as a way to be rid of it. The latter is the mechanism of projection.
Now that you have awakened and are dedicated to expanding in love, your immediate task is to undo this process of projection. As it says in #10 on the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet, which you can find by signing up for the Free Stuff in Colin’s Cafe.
“I now realize that I get upset when someone resonates in me something I have denied, repressed, and projected onto them. I now see the truth to the adage, ‘If you spot it, you got it!’ This person is reflecting what I need to love and accept in myself. I am now willing to take back the projection and own it as part of my shadow. I love and accept this part of me.”
It’s this recognition that allows us to “take out the trash” and release our emotional garbage. Quantum physicists have actually proven that emotions condense as energy particles which, if not expressed as emotion, become lodged in the spaces between atoms and molecules. The filter is literally becoming clogged. Once the emotion has become a particle, it is much more difficult to release.
Holding on to our emotional garbage and spewing it haphazardly at others not only causes separation, it can cause physical illness as well. I’ll talk more about that next week. For now, try this exercise: make a list of two people you have disliked and list each and every quality you found unacceptable. Dig deep and be honest. What are your feelings of disapproval and why are you having them? Now for the bit you won’t like:
Embrace your shadow by writing down how these qualities are being mirrored back to you, and be willing to love and accept them as part of you. You’ll be glad you did.