Making a Forgiveness Will

Last WillI have spoken in the past about toxic mental, emotional and even negative spiritual energy being bad for your health.  I believe very strongly that it is also very bad for your death.  

By that I mean, if you die while still holding resentment or other forms of non-forgiveness, you will most certainly take it with you and be burdened by it.  You will have to deal with that energy over there, and there’s no guarantee it will be any easier.  Very likely it will be much harder. You won’t be free of it and neither will the person or people you left behind.  An energetic chord  between you and them will remain and will keep you from moving on to the next level.  They will remain stuck in their story and regretful of the lost opportunities for a possible reconciliation.  Once you pass on, that all becomes unfinished business for them and that makes it even more toxic that it was before.  Obviously it’s the same for you if you are the one left behind.

Either way, it is obvious that you stand to gain a great deal by doing all the forgiveness work you can on those who are now dead and those who are still alive, while you still have breath in your body and the mental capacity to remember who it is you need to forgive and why.  It’s almost like making a will.  

If you have someone in mind who died without you having healed an outstanding feud, disagreement, wound or whatever else might have got in the way of the love between you, you owe it to yourself and to that departed person, to do the Radical Forgiveness process around that issue immediately.  If they are still alive, do it now too.

I doubt there is a person on the planet that does not have some reason to forgive their parents, and this is no less true if the parents are already dead.  It’s simply in the nature of things that the parent/child relationship is characterized by conflict, not to mention the fact that we chose our parents for the very fact that they would give us our first and most intense experience of separation.  If they are dead, do a worksheet on them.  If they are still alive, do a worksheet on them.  Clear as much remaining energy as you can before you or they die.

A great resource we have to bring you peace with your parents is the 21 Day Online Program “Breaking Free.” This will address how childhood wounds become repeating patterns in our lives, and how you can break free – and help your parents break free, even if they have already passed – from your old relationship paradigm. Other programs are also available to help you forgive other family members, partners, and even co-workers. 

Another reason to forgive everyone and clear up any remaining issues with family and friends before you die is that it will give you a better chance of dying peacefully and without pain.  I first observed this phenomenon when working with cancer patients in the 90’s.  They are notorious for holding on to resentment and grief and seldom ever forgive on their own.  The tension this pent up energy creates in the body is enormous.  It stands to reason that if the body is tight and full of long-held emotional energy, death is likely to be painful and less than peaceful, if holding on tight is the norm.  I am quite sure that this holds true for anyone who dies while still refusing to release their negative emotions and beliefs. If you hold onto that stuff your body will hold on too, and death will not come easy.

So for your own sake and for those who are important to you, do the forgiveness work now, before the grim reaper comes knocking. Like I said, it’s no different than making a will.  You are simply ensuring a safe passage to the other side, either for them or for you.  It’s all the same.

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6 Responses to Making a Forgiveness Will

  1. janet sunita says:

    Dear Colin
    I read this blog with interest and relate to it in many ways. I have done several worksheets on radical forgiveness and find that the unforgiving thoughts do recur and sometimes, quite unexpectedly. Resentment does flare up every now and again, and I think to myself “but I thought I had done a good job of forgiving! so why do the memories not go away”?

    When you speak of forgiveness and dying in this context I want to relate an experience:
    My husband and I had separated and living in different cities. We had gotten back in touch with each other when our younger son passed away in 2008. We were both bitter and angry with each other for a long time. But in May 2008, I found that I was able to feel his pain and regret during our telephone conversations and would frequently find myself consoling and empathizing with him. We spoke often — at least once a week since then. And one morning at 3 a.m. or so on the 21st of Sept 2009 he very clearly appeared in a dream saying how sorry he was about all the times he had caused me pain during our marriage. I found myself (without resentment) listing out occasions that he had forgotten and all he said with a small smile “I know and I’m so sorry”. On my way to work that morning at 8:30 a.m. I got news that my husband had passed away ‘sometime’ during the night. He was found resting ‘peacefully’ on his couch by a neighbour, since he had left his front door unlocked.

    What would one make of this? Should I consider that I have cleared my slate in regard to my husband?

    Thank you for writing in with your views on this incident. Janet

  2. Colin, thank you for reminding me how big a relief forgiving can be. For me there was a moment of insight that came surprisingly as I was sitting on a bench and watching a rehearsal of a play. The play was part of Goethe’s Faust, and I realised that for the first time in my life I didn’t feel overwhelmed by a big play with topics touching life and death and guilt etc, as Faust does. At the same moment as I felt the good feeling of being able to relate to my life experiences while listening, I remembered the time when I had to read this kind of literature as a 15 year old and couldn’t deal with it. – A moment of being aware of having matured.
    But, the amazing thing that happened then, was this thought coming out of nowhere. It was the thought: What if everything that happened to me as a child was just ok the way it happened?! Let me repeat: What if it was just ok the way everything happened?! I was struck by this thought as if the heavens had opened up. You know, I didn’t have the average family experience. There was a divorce, a suicide and mental illness to deal with, and it took me about 20 years of therapy to recover from my childhood. And all of a sudden this hard to grasp thought, which seems to be against all common sense that school and people taught me: What if everything that happened was just ok the way it happened?! Speak about forgiveness! It was a revelation, a change of paradigm. I’m not the person any more that I used to be, with this thought.
    Of course, you need to forgive to heal from the inside. But it doesn’t happen through thinking. You have to be able to tap into a level of conciousness that’s not located in your head! And then be open to let it happen, let God‘s grace happen.
    Bless you!

  3. dick grant says:

    I wish that people writing about forgiveness would always point out that once a person is forgiven it doesn’t mean that a relationship will envolving that person will continue.

  4. Bud James says:

    Brilliant message -thank you for this, Colin!
    It is completely in alignment with A Course in Miracles and makes so much sense. You have consistently been able to meet people right “where they are at,” and this is another shining example. There is always time for Forgiveness, even at the end of our illusory lives, and perhaps moreso.
    We come into these lives with such hope of getting it right. However, that – as I am sure you know – is yet another ego based self-judgment of inadequacy and guilt. Call it karma, but that is right where we live. SO even if we can’t forgive during our lives (out of fear and projected sin), perhaps we can do it towards the end. We are still “here,” yet often in the final stages it becomes a time when we let go of worldly attachments, requirements, and conditions.
    Indeed, this might well be called the “Hail Mary” pass of a lifetime.
    Laughing All The Way,

  5. Rosemarie Souders says:

    Perhaps that explains why some people believe that there are ghosts that live “live” and are angry with some. We all need to forgive and be forgiven. Thank Colin… you

  6. Pete Forman says:

    Some of your readers might find your edited book “Forgiving Your Parents” useful. My wife was a contributor to it, and she has given copies to friends. I was surprised not to see it mentioned in your post. Thank you and blessings, Colin, to you, Joanne, and the whole RF family!

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