All Forgiveness is Self-Forgiveness (Only If It’s Radical)

Radical Forgiveness BookMy first book, Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle, was written in 1997. However, I didn’t pen the book on Radical Self-Forgiveness until 2008, more than 10 years later. You might wonder why I didn’t write it sooner, since it surely would have been an obvious sequel.

I did make a stab at it, but at the time I found myself making exactly the same case for Radical Self-Forgiveness as for Radical Forgiveness. So I quit. I was just substituting the word “perpetrator” for “victim,” since they are basically just two sides of the same coin.

I’m sure you are familiar with the mechanism of projection. This is where you project onto others what you find totally unacceptable in yourself, thereby side-stepping the need to confront it in yourself and forgive (accept) it.

When you forgive the person you have judgments about, you are actually taking back the projection, forgiving that quality in yourself and, in effect, forgiving yourself. That means ALL forgiveness is self-forgiveness. It really is that simple. To a large extent this is why you feel so much better after having done a Radical Forgiveness worksheet. Even though you thought it was about them, it was actually about you.

At the deeper philosophical level, if we are indeed all One and separation is an illusion, then there is no ‘other’ to forgive. I am you and you are me. If I hurt you, I hurt myself. Again, all forgiveness is self-forgiveness.

Nevertheless, people kept on saying, “Yes, but it is so much more difficult to forgive myself than to forgive others, so surely we need something else.” So, in response, rather than write a book about self-forgiveness, I created a very comprehensive online program that people could use to accomplish Radical Self-Forgiveness and Radical Self-Acceptance experientially. I felt that if it was experiential rather than intellectual, people would get it. That has turned out to be the case. Thousands of people have gone through that program and have found it to be extremely effective. It is still in the eStore in its original form.

RSFBookThen, in 2008, drawing on what we had found worked so well in the online program, I relented and wrote Radical Self-Forgiveness, The Direct Path to True Self-Acceptance. In that book I gave an explanation of why we all have so much difficulty with self-forgiveness. I outlined this in my previous blog. If we appeal to our human self for forgiveness, our inner judge will always say, “No” – but make our appeal to our Higher Self and it will always say, “Yes.” It knows the truth. It loves you just the way you are and knows that your perfection lies in your imperfection.

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13 Responses to All Forgiveness is Self-Forgiveness (Only If It’s Radical)

  1. chris says:

    Colin, can you provide the link to the previous blog you mention above – thank you

  2. Fran Power says:

    Hi Colin,
    I have a friend (or maybe had) who is very adept at manipulating me, and who, in my opinion, has expectations of me that I’m not able, nor do I want, to give. She was a part of a RF group that has fallen apart because of a lack of commitment to the work by her and another member. I didn’t want to talk about it with her because she is manipulative, and I will be doing an RF sheet on her soon. You say in your message that when we let go of resentment against others we are really forgiving ourselves. But if I get through the sheet and don’t hold the resentment against her, exactly what am I forgiving myself for? I don’t hold those unrealistic expectations on myself. But I do resent her for having them on me. So now I feel confused. Thanks for any help.

    • Colin says:

      You may find the answer to this questions once you have completed the worksheet.

      • Anne says:

        Colin: I “get” your response to Fran, as I have done your worksheets. Fran: Trust the process. There are many subtleties within us that no matter what we think about ourselves, everyone who crosses our paths that we have a grievance against are showing us something about ourselves that deep down we truly do not like. We are sure to grow from knowing these people, if indeed we take time to work on living a life of forgiveness and focus on the way we treat others. Try a few worksheets. Spread them out over time and compare them. You might be surprised at the link between them all that points back to you in the end. You will no longer be focusing on the poeple that you did the worksheet on in the first place.

  3. Donna says:

    Dear Colin:

    I heard T.D.Jakes, (a dynamic preacher of Biblical understanding and inner
    psychological knowledge based on his life experience and the experience of
    others) recall how one of his members said to him:
    “Don’t forget where you have come from.” He replied. “No,
    I have not forgotten. But I wish you would.”
    A message of his sermon was how some people will remain judgmental and even taunt you in covert and/or overt efforts to bring a person down due to their own issues…whatever that might be: …jealousies, self-righteousness, covert low self-esteem, and/or unforgiveness etc. As a preacher, he identifies this as the work of Satan behind that person to keep attacking another person who is earnestly trying to live a better, Godly life….
    If someone or some people continually bring up to someone their past problem, even
    years after it was overcome and repented for, how does that person keep from being
    triggered into a feeling of lowered value? Is it really that the person hasn’t truly
    forgiven himself/herself completely? Is there really closure or are these triggers
    from judgmental others the cross that tries to continually attack someone and bring down self-esteem? Is real confidence such a fortress or “an armor of the holy spirit”
    that a person isn’t affected by these insensitive people and their unkindnesses? Doesn’t it still hurt a bit and have to be constantly overcome?

    • Colin says:

      When I can stand in the place of knowing that others attacks come from their issues, not mine, I am truly in my power and have achieved Self-Acceptance. There is a saying I just love, “Just because they say it, doesn’t make it so.” If what they are saying triggers your feelings of self-worth, then do a Radical Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance process and transform that energy into Self-Love.

  4. Charla Sirtoff says:

    I am new to your website and information, do you recommend starting with your earlier writings or will your the book you wrote in 2008 work for me?

    • Colin says:

      I wrote a few books in 2008. If you are referring to Getting to Heaven on a Harley, then that is an excellent book to start with.

  5. REGINA FOLEY says:

    Colin,
    I have no experience working on line.
    I want to do your two e-experiences but have no idea what I should do first. How to make the payment? etc.etc.

    (I did Radical Forgiveness with you twice about 10 years ago or more).

    • Colin says:

      Hi Regina,

      You begin by purchasing the programs in the eStore. The link is on the menu above. You are then sent instructions on how to get into the programs. All of the programs give you step by step instructions on what to do.

  6. Julia says:

    Dear Colin!
    My name is Julia, I am from Russia. I first read your book “Radical Forgiviness” a year ago, a very nice spiritual woman recommended it. At that time it was the only book in Russian I could find, and I just went on doing worksheets from time to time. Then I subscribed to Mr. German’s website and did free self forgiveness worksheet. So my interest in your method was growing, and I started to use your website in English, because there is little information in Russian. I understand English better then I speak and write, so I purchased your online programs and started doing “Forgiving partner” first. I already finished it and can say that my improvement is great! Your method is the best for me and I really appreciate your work. You are doing great job and changing people’s life to the best! I am so grateful to you. I hope one day all your programs will be translated in Russian so that people who do not speak English could enjoy them! Our people need it, believe me. Thank you for everything that you did for people. I did just one online program and I feel great energy shift! What big change will be when I finish all programs?! :)
    All the best to you and your family!

    • Colin says:

      Hi Julia,
      So nice to read that the programs have had good results for you. I shall be in Moscow again this year in August and September doing a workshop and also a training for people who would like to teach and coach others in Radical Forgiveness. Perhaps I will see you there.
      Blessings,
      Colin

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