Taking Responsibility

responsibilityEven though Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness take the position that, according to spiritual law, everything is as it should be and that there are no victims or perpetrators, we still are subject to human law while we are in a human body. That means we are still responsible for breaking those laws and must bear the consequences for doing so.

Because we are not privy to the spiritual big picture, we don’t know the plan. We cannot get ahead of the game and do “bad” things on the assumption that it will turn out to be perfect in the spiritual sense. That would be to play God.

No, our job is to play the human game, following our own inner compasses about what is right and wrong in the human sense. At the same time, we know that if we make a bad judgment or mistake, there must have been a reason for it at the spiritual level. The consequences are also part of the “plan,’ even if means going to prison for the crime you commit.

Having an awareness of a bigger plan won’t make it right in human terms, but it will allow you to feel some compassion and self-forgiveness for yourself at the spiritual level. It doesn’t release you from responsibility or even guilt. Allowing yourself to imagine it might have been a soul contract may bring some inner peace, even while you languish in prison.

At the level of human law, we can bring some ordinary forgiveness to bear on any situation where we appear to have done something we regret, even if we have caused harm to another person. We can distinguish between appropriate guilt and inappropriate guilt, for example. (This is also the third stage in the Radical Self-Forgiveness process, but it is not yet Radical Self-Forgiveness… that comes in Stage Four: The Reframe.)

Guilt is defined as remorse over something we have done but shouldn’t have, or not done but should have. It refers to our behavior. Shame, on the other hand, is remorse over who we think we are. Obviously they connect, but the distinction remains.

Appropriate guilt is where our remorse is truly earned, and you are entitled to feel guilty. You were at fault. Inappropriate guilt is where something occurred, but there was no actual fault on your part in the causation of the event. In that case, you are not entitled to blame yourself for it.

For example, if a child runs out from behind a parked car and you have no time to stop or react and the child is killed, you are not entitled to feel guilt. Sadness, sorrow, anger etc. – but not guilt. If, on the other hand, you were driving drunk and there might have been enough time to react and avoid the child if you had had all your wits about you, then you are entitled to your guilt. You earned it.

Your order of difficulty in forgiving yourself in each case will be very different. Ordinary self-forgiveness, like ordinary forgiveness, doesn’t work completely because it doesn’t appeal to your Higher Self. With the tools provided in Radical Self-Forgiveness, you can access your Higher Self, and total healing can be yours.

You can find several Radical Self-Forgiveness tools in Colin Corner Cafe.

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13 Responses to Taking Responsibility

  1. Tara Lila Rose says:

    I’m so happy to hear you make this distinction because I believe that the kind of people (sociopaths, etc.) that commit nefarious crimes against others and cause a ripple effect of harm to their entire network of loved ones ought to pay a price and be punished. I feel it is part of the healing/restitution process and that often they will look for any excuse to rationalize and justify their actions.
    they will look for any excuse they can find to jystify

  2. Chris. says:

    Hi Colin – What a profound distinction, and an awareness that sheds much light. Much easier to resolve a feeling when we can identify exactly what it is!

  3. Many Thanks for your explanation. It really brings home the understanding .

  4. Kim says:

    Colin, This is where the members of my book club got hung up.. How can we condone behaviors that are harmful? Trying to explain that we do radical forgiveness to change the energy of the situation often gets lost in this feeling of responsibility. As to the comment of sociopaths, they have no empathy thus they dont feel guilt in the way that others do… but they do teach us a lot.

    • Colin says:

      Hi Kim,
      We are not condoning the behavior. We still live in a world where we are governed by human law, and from a human perspective, there are acts that are wrong and illegal. People still need to be held responsible for their acts. What Radical Forgiveness asks is that you be willing (only willing) to know that from a spiritual perspective, there is perfection. We often don’t see what that is, but if some things have a spiritual significance, then everything does. This is what shifts the energy.
      C

  5. Stephen says:

    I’m puzzled by some of the statements in this post. 1 There are no perpetrators or victims. Who then carried out the killings in the holocaust? Certainly there can be people who see themselves as victims. But at response people can choose not to respond or indulge them. If a person wanders along Piccadilly in London with a card on his back saying “Kick me” people who walk past or behind him do not need to obey what the card is telling them to do.
    2 How do you know that there is a spiritual plan behind everything? Use the example of the holocaust again where if the plan was to demonstrate to the world that such events must never again be allowed to happen then the plan has been singularly unsuccessful. There have been a lot of other equally hideous atrocities…Kosova, Rwanda. You assume that God is actively involved in what transpires in these events. But the God I worship does not condone such violence or lovelessness. Perhaps in the old style religious dogma and the position that there is a purpose in everything and who are we to question God’s wisdom people can believe what you saying.

    There is a lot of value and wisdom in your ideas of forgiveness. In some parts however my feeling is that you have got it terribly wrong.

    • Colin says:

      It seems to me that there is no race of people more committed to victim consciousness than the Jewish race, so much so that they keep on creating instances of victimization, generation after generation. We all tend to repeat instances of an original wound over and over again as a way to leverage the energy. These instances tend to become bigger and bigger each time, until one is so magnified that it causes us to go into a state of complete breakdown. The breakdown is a necessary prelude to a breakthrough and the beginning of an awakening process. My assumption, and it is only an assumption, is that souls agree to come into the life experience and do things to facilitate the breakdown and help with the healing process that follows.

      So, let’s see if we can make up a story about what happened based on these assumptions.

      I think it is likely that there are such things as group souls just like there is group consciousness amongst races, communities and even countries. So, on that assumption, I make it up that the group soul of the Jewish race decided that they had had enough of being victimized and wanted to put an end to the pattern they had established down the ages as their way of experiencing separation. The group soul knew it had far exceeded its need to experience separation; but since then, being victimized had become a very strong and powerful addiction that would be very hard to break. It knew that it needed a very strong loving soul with unlimited love and compassion to come along to help end their addiction to victim consciousness.

      Spirit agreed to facilitate such a contract. Many candidates were interviewed until they came upon one they felt had enough love to do what needed to be done and, at the same time, would be able to withstand the hatred that would eventually be heaped upon him, not only during this lifetime but for many generations to come. The human identity they gave this soul was Adolph Hitler. He would enter the human realm and would enroll another group soul that was suffering from its own particular addiction that needed to be broken. The German group soul.

      Their addiction was their unbridled lust for worldly power and righteous domination over all others who were inferior to them, which was, of course, according to them, everyone else. Adolph would become one of them and, eventually, their charismatic leader. He would then immediately incite them to round up all the Jews, discredit them, humiliate them and gradually annihilate them in a dreadful and disgusting manner.

      This was a perfect set up for the two soul groups. Led by Hitler, the Germans would create the worst possible form of victimization they could think of for the Jews so it would elevate their victim consciousness to such a great height that it would finally collapse once and for all and forever. The Jews’ suffering would serve to reinforce the Germans’ narcissism and self-righteous superiority complex until it too would implode under its own weight (and the bombing campaigns of the rest of the world), and collapse the energy that created it in the first place for a reason known only to Spirit. Those that died did so in service to their group soul, and each one of those deaths was a pre-planned contract and entirely voluntary.

      (Since death isn’t real anyway, nobody died.)

      So there you have it. That’s my story of why the holocaust happened. It was a contract between two soul groups and one super soul with enough love to make it happen, the purpose being the healing of the two group minds. I don’t know whether there is any truth to it, but I do know this. It is a better damn story than the one you have been hanging out in for generations.

  6. Tricia says:

    I have loved working through Radical Forgiveness….I got the cd set 4 years ago when I was devestated and heartbroken over someone. I worked through it…got hung up on certain parts, but overall knew it was profound and the key to healing. Then two years later I was able to share the cd’s (we listened together and then I gave them to her) with the person I needed to forgive! Shortly after though…another devestation and she is gone forever. I will never know her again. But I always think back to the strange miracle of how I felt sharing the cd’s with her (she has many people in her life she needs to forgive..) and how she loved it….and what an act of grace and demonstration of peace it was just for that night….anyway. I’m writing because I think your work is profound and really a step up from general consciousness. Are you aware of Mary Baker Eddy’s contribution to the world? There is so much similarity between the radical truths you are sharing with the world and what she discovered. If you have not read her work, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, I just thought I should tell you about it. She wrote it over 100 years ago but was way ahead of her time. It is just up your alley. I wish you gave retreats or talks in NYC. Please let me know if you do. My building has a beautiful huge amenities…it’s free to people who live here. I would let you use it, should you ever decide to come. It’s on 57th bet 8/9….anyway. Lots of info here in this comment! But keep it should you ever decide to come to NYC to teach. I have never seen a listing for a retreat here in your posts….thanks again for your brave work!
    Tricia

    • Shari Claire says:

      Hi Tricia,

      I handle all of Colin’s bookings. He has done several workshops in New York, but because of the logistics of putting on the events, travel and accommodations, they are always sponsored by an organization. If you or anyone you know is interested in having Colin as a speaker or hosting a workshop, please fill out the form at http://www.colintipping.com/about-colin-2/booking-colin-as-a-speaker/ and I will get back to you to make further arrangements.

      Shari

  7. Dave Edwards says:

    Hi Colin,
    What would happen if an individual rationalised as per the RF theory that everything is perfect and then decided to act in ways that were undermining / harmful to others in subtle ways knowing full well that he/she could get away with it because it wasn’t big enough a crime like murder etc. to be punished & what if he/she kept on getting away with it continually ? Eg : I could regularly belittle people , if I knew that nothing would happen to me in a social friendly scenario, I could lie / cheat etc. Would spirit find a way to stop me or not want me to exercise my freedom ?
    There is a lot of talk about ” karma ( u reap what u sow ). So for example if u lie, then you will be lied to and in the same measure etc.
    This unspoken law is what keeps many people from stealing / lying / abusing etc. as they fear the same returning to them by law.
    But as you have mentioned previously , this law does not exist, then can I assume that we should be fearless in doing whatever comes to our minds in the comfort of knowing that this law is a myth ?? However, in the book ” The Game of Life & How to play it ” it endorses this law of karma.
    Would appreciate your views/comments on this matter.

    • Colin says:

      I’m not sure where you have seen that I don’t support the idea of Karma. I actually devote a whole chapter to it in my book, Radical Forgiveness. You may have read where I say I am not sure if it is true or not since I, or any of us, don’t know for sure. It is just another story we make up to hopefully make sense of our world and our human existence. We also attract people in this lifetime to mirror those things in ourselves that we have done to others. We project it on to others, so we can heal it in ourselves.

      • Dave Edwards says:

        Thanks Colin. I asked as I am currently facing a very challenging situation. There is this 1 guy @ work who knows about a couple of topics that I am ashamed about that I feel is inappropriate as it is out of my control. None the less, I still feel ashamed when people bring it up.
        He knows it well & uses it in front of others purposely to see me lose face. Yesterday I tried to show a tough exterior but my body language had already revealed how I felt.
        I see the perfection in the situation & radically did a worksheet on him, but from a human world perspective I feel that if I could do the same to him , I would be one up over him & he would stop. But I find it extremely difficult if not impossible to put someone down / shame them !
        I stopped talking to him & I hoped that he would get the sense that he should stop this behaviour, but after a while he goes back to square 1. From a human perspective, I feel something / some action I should take to make him accountable .
        The funny thing is that this has perpetuated since I was a boy & in order to get revenge , I stopped talking to people & totally ignored them when they shamed / upset me in any way. I was hoping that they would see my non-coperation & change. The truth was I was scared to speak my truth that they had upset me because I was terrified that they would keep doing it & also by telling them , I would be giving away my power to them.
        I still feel scared today when someone upsets / insults me & I FREEZE or find it difficult / impossible to speak my mind out!!
        I would much appreciate if you could shed some light as this is repeated millions of times & I have done the RF worksheet.

      • Colin says:

        Dave,

        It isn’t possible to give you a ‘quick fix’ in this blog. I suggest you consider working with one of our Radical Living coaches or doing the 21 Days to Forgive Your Co-Worker online program. There is definitely a pattern and this is happening now as Spirits way of giving you the opportunity to heal the core negative belief about yourself. Doing one worksheet isn’t going to do it or anything I say here. You need to commit to doing the Radical Forgiveness work.

        One last thing, there is no difference in the energy of being the victim or the perpetrator. You retaliating will only lead to you then needing to do Self-Forgiveness.

        C

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