You’ll find the answer at the end of this blog. And no, the answer is not “gay country,” because while plenty of gay men do attend RF workshops, most of the men who attend are straight. I think you will be surprised when you find out. It’s very counter-intuitive.
This topic is much on my mind, having just enjoyed a great weekend with my men’s group. We have been meeting now for over 10 years, and yet still we have issues come up we need support from each other in resolving.
Sometimes it is a healing we need, even now after all these years. We are there for each other no matter what.
In that sense, we men are no different from women. We hurt too. The difference arises in the degree to which we allow ourselves to acknowledge it, let alone share our pain. We tend to build a wall around ourselves and around our hearts and resist letting others in.
The ratio of women to men at my workshops is typically around 80/20. Only once did I ever have a Miracles Workshop, which is the most intense of all the workshops I do, in which there were more men than women. 8 out of 15. That was amazing.
Typically, the men hold back when there is only one or two in the group. But when there are four or five, they then show the women how to do it. They become willing to show vulnerability and compassion to the extent that the women just gape in amazement.
The other thing we have noticed is that even though they tend to project their anger and frustration out there onto others, the person they are most mad at is themselves. They are really hard on themselves and carry a lot of guilt and shame.
“Men stuff,” mostly, of course. The kind of stuff women can never understand.
Which is why a high proportion of those who choose to do the Online Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance Program are, in fact, men. I guess they prefer to do it in private. And that’s fine. It’s a great program.
The 80/20 ratio notwithstanding, the most rewarding thing is when a couple does the Expanding in Love Workshop together. That’s when magic happens. We have saved countless marriages, and facilitated the ending of some, too, in a loving, respectful way.
My wife, JoAnn, always asks me whether I want to be part of any personal growth workshop she is keen to attend. I confess I am often resistant at first, but I go anyway, not quite kicking and screaming, but reluctantly. Then I’m glad I did.
So let me invite you women folk – or gay men, who do seem to find this work easier to embrace – to give your partner encouragement to open up and be willing to do what the Australian men do and let it all hang out.
There, now I have told you. Yes, the country where the men do come forward more readily to do this work is Australia. I told you it was counter-intuitive, didn’t I? Perhaps they need to forgive all those crocodiles and snakes down there and have overcome their fear of being bitten.