Snakes and Crocodiles

Snakes and CrocodilesHere’s a question for you. Which country do you think tops the list as far as the number of men coming to my Radical Forgiveness workshops relative to the number of women?

You’ll find the answer at the end of this blog. And no, the answer is not “gay country,” because while plenty of gay men do attend RF workshops, most of the men who attend are straight. I think you will be surprised when you find out. It’s very counter-intuitive.

This topic is much on my mind, having just enjoyed a great weekend with my men’s group. We have been meeting now for over 10 years, and yet still we have issues come up we need support from each other in resolving.

Sometimes it is a healing we need, even now after all these years. We are there for each other no matter what.

In that sense, we men are no different from women. We hurt too. The difference arises in the degree to which we allow ourselves to acknowledge it, let alone share our pain. We tend to build a wall around ourselves and around our hearts and resist letting others in.

The ratio of women to men at my workshops is typically around 80/20. Only once did I ever have a Miracles Workshop, which is the most intense of all the workshops I do, in which there were more men than women. 8 out of 15. That was amazing.

Typically, the men hold back when there is only one or two in the group. But when there are four or five, they then show the women how to do it. They become willing to show vulnerability and compassion to the extent that the women just gape in amazement.

The other thing we have noticed is that even though they tend to project their anger and frustration out there onto others, the person they are most mad at is themselves. They are really hard on themselves and carry a lot of guilt and shame.

“Men stuff,” mostly, of course. The kind of stuff women can never understand.

Which is why a high proportion of those who choose to do the Online Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance Program are, in fact, men. I guess they prefer to do it in private. And that’s fine. It’s a great program.

The 80/20 ratio notwithstanding, the most rewarding thing is when a couple does the Expanding in Love Workshop together. That’s when magic happens. We have saved countless marriages, and facilitated the ending of some, too, in a loving, respectful way.

My wife, JoAnn, always asks me whether I want to be part of any personal growth workshop she is keen to attend. I confess I am often resistant at first, but I go anyway, not quite kicking and screaming, but reluctantly. Then I’m glad I did.

So let me invite you women folk – or gay men, who do seem to find this work easier to embrace – to give your partner encouragement to open up and be willing to do what the Australian men do and let it all hang out.

There, now I have told you. Yes, the country where the men do come forward more readily to do this work is Australia. I told you it was counter-intuitive, didn’t I? Perhaps they need to forgive all those crocodiles and snakes down there and have overcome their fear of being bitten.

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7 Responses to Snakes and Crocodiles

  1. Maja says:

    Thank you so much for the following words: “They become willing to show vulnerability and compassion to the extent that the women just gape in amazement…..The other thing we have noticed is that even though they tend to project their anger and frustration out there onto others, the person they are most mad at is themselves. They are really hard on themselves and carry a lot of guilt and shame.”
    With gratitude I pay my respects to this. ♥ Maja
    (sorry, I’m Swiss – English is not my first language)

  2. Colin, very thought provoking. I’m actually not surprised that Australian men are the most open to showing up as they truly are. Crocodile Dundee immediately springs to mind and heart:)). A true action, compassionate, vulnerable hero if there ever was one. An all-time favourite film.
    The male/female dynamic is fascinating. “Men stuff”, “women stuff”… personally I feel it’s all just “stuff” and really not gender specific. I do agree there is nothing more wonderful than going beyond the boundaries of our stuff – individually, within our personal groups, collectively and expanding in love together. Thank-you.

  3. This blog post is very timely for me, Colin. I so appreciate hearing about men even your groups.

    Last Saturday, we showed the amazing movie that you were in “Sacred Journey to the Heart.” If anyone reading this post has not seen this movie, do! It is extraordinary!

    W.E. C.A,N.-Women entrepreneurs collaborating and networking, The group that I founded had our first “coed” event. There were three men and 17 women at this event.

    We watched the movie and afterword had conversations and interactive exercises with a partner to open up the heart. All three men opened up and allowed tears to flow. It was beautiful!

    I shared for the very first time in a mixed group that I have been molested by my grandfather. I also shared with them that when I first met you I realized that there was still some forgiveness work I needed to do for myself around men.

    I was able to recognize the block within me because it was and sharp contrast to how I felt being around you with your beautiful energy, grounded, loving & open.

    I am truly grateful to you Colin for helping me heal. Now the ripple effect is that I am open to facilitating healing with not only women but men also! This is HUGE for me!!

    Eternally grateful!!

    Sending you and your wife a big hug!!

    Pam Brooks-Crump

  4. Elvia says:

    I LIKE THIS BUT, I am 3 times a wedoer it will had bee nice to know all this especialy in my first time araund. But at 73 and after berien 3 husbends I am afray to have to berie one mor it is very hard to loos a love one. And sense I stil have my mother. I expet to live at list as long as her. But no more men for me.
    I am a loner and kip to my self. Inglish is my second lengua.
    Have a sister in Trokee that reed your books too, and she gos to a grupe.

  5. cynthia canida says:

    You men can let it all hang out and them some. I am unsubscribing. Please forgive me, you well-meaning sexist straight white man.

  6. Ed says:

    I recently attended a 10-day Vipasana Silent Meditation Seminar where most of the participants were female. Eckhart Tolle says that most people who experience spiritual awareness and transformation are female. Looks like we men are still slow to catch on. Hopefully this will change in the next few years!

  7. Totsi says:

    Hi Colin,love to attend one of your workshops or have one on one .I live in Australia.Please give me information of any upcoming events .I would love to attend and meet you.
    Stay in Health
    Totsi

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