Colin’s Hot Topics for Radical Living

by Colin Tipping

The more technology shrinks and connects our world, the more we are confronted with challenges that we have to deal with, almost on a daily basis. As I watch it all unfold, I will be inspired from time to time, to focus attention on and share with you how my Radical Living Strategies can help all of us meet our challenges with greater ease and compassion. My hope is that these offerings give you the insight you need to create the peaceful, fulfilling life you desire.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Who’s on your Radical Forgiveness bucket list?

bucket-list-picWho’s on your Radical Forgiveness bucket list?

Lack of forgiveness is known to be very bad for your health. It is not so well acknowledged that it is also very bad for your death.

I don’t wish to be morbid, but this is worth considering, no matter how far away death might seem to you. After all, anyone with any sense makes a will, so why not a bucket list of those you need to forgive before you die?

Think about it.

Not only will death come more peacefully when you have forgiven everyone in your life before you die, but if you make the transition while still holding anger and resentment, you will take it with you.You will not be free of it. You will have to deal with it on the other side, and there’s no guarantee it will be any easier.

Not only will you be burdened by the crappy energy you take with you, so will the person you haven’t forgiven, assuming it mattered to them. Any amends they might have made while you were alive are now impossible. It becomes unfinished business, and that makes it even more toxic that it was before.

So, if you want your death to be as easy and pain-free as possible, why not start the Radical Forgiveness process now and get all that toxic energy out of your body while you can? It doesn’t matter how old you are. Do it while you still have breath in your body and the mental capacity to remember who it is you need to forgive and why.

Note: There are still a couple of spots left in our upcoming Miracles workshop in January but you will have to be quick because it is limited to just 12 people. This is our most intensive Radical Forgiveness workshop, so give it some thought. Click here for more information or to make your reservations now.

There’s much to be gained by doing all the forgiveness work you can on those who are still alive, as well as on those who are already dead. Not to mention that it is good for your health and may prevent cancer from arising in your body.

One place to start would be with your parents. I doubt whether there is a person on the planet that does not have some reason to forgive their parents, and this is no less true if they are already dead. After all, the parent/child relationship is characterized by conflict and that conflict continues to shape us long after we’ve left our parents’ house.

“Breaking Free” – 21 Day Online Program for Forgiving Your Parents

Remember, we chose our parents to give us our first and most intense experience of separation. If they are dead, do a worksheet on them. If they are still alive, do a worksheet on them. Clear as much remaining negative energy as you can.

If you are a parent yourself, you may need to forgive your kids for some things as well, like their rebellion as teenagers, resistance to your rules, drug use, moving away and depriving you of access to your grandchildren, and so on. We don’t often talk about forgiving our own children, but in my experience the pain they can cause can be every bit as hurtful as the abuse children suffer from parents.

Great Expectations – 21 Day Online Program for Forgiving Your Kids

Then there are our siblings. There are often reasons to forgive them for how it was growing up with them, and for how things have turned out since.

It is not surprising, therefore, that as we move into the holiday season, we find ourselves becoming tense and anxious about being together. The holidays are great for reflecting all of our non-forgiveness for us… both those we’ve not forgiven, and those who have not forgiven us. We also have floods of memories of those who have passed where some forgiveness is still required.

Family Matters – 21 Day Online Program for Forgiving Your Siblings

The key to making family re-unions like Thanksgiving enjoyable as well as healing, is to do all the forgiveness work you can before you go. You will be amazed at the difference it makes. Don’t leave it to yet another holiday season that you will find yourself simply enduring, rather than enjoying, because of all the toxicity that still needs to be healed.

And, if you really want to heal a wound or come to peace about something that still hurts, give yourself a great holiday present and consider joining me in January for the Miracles Workshop.



Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment

Shift happens. Experience it today.

Register for Free Webinar

October 16, 2014
1:30 PM Eastern Time

Shift happens. Experience it today.

Shift Happens. You know that one. You also know that if you remove the “f” in shift that’s how it is most often experienced, at least at first.

The big shift that we are hoping to be just around the corner is likely to be no different, especially if all the prophecies about it turn out to be right on the money.

How we ride this shift and survive the process without descending into fear and hopelessness is the subject of today’s webinar. I hope you will join us.

Click here to register for the Free Radical Transformation Worksheet webinar.

We humans have been evolving toward higher awareness for a long, long time, and yet we feel it in our bones that we are about to take this leap into a whole new reality.

I personally believe we’ve already entered into the process of making the shift. And, that all the turmoil in the world is evidence of how we are trying to collapse our current reality based on fear, separation, pain and suffering, into a reality based on Love, Harmony and Oneness.

We shall experience the birth of a wholly new way of living and being, but first the old way of living has to die. Already we are beginning to witness the death of the social order as we know it. On a global scale, it’s the equivalent of a healing crisis that everyone experiences before their own awakening.

In today’s free webinar, I will explain the Radical Transformation worksheet. This is a tool we use to keep our vibration high even when everything around us is breaking down, or when specific events occur out there that seem anything but perfect. It helps us to stay awake and enables us to move through any such experience with a knowingness that everything is in divine order, regardless of how it may appear.

Do join us today by clicking here to register for the free Radical Transformation Worksheet webinar.



Posted in Events | 1 Comment

We Feel Their Grief

beauty girl cryWe Feel Their Grief

If you read my last blog on transforming the energy of world events, you’ll recall that much of our reaction comes from the emotions the particular event brings up for us. I think the one emotion we can readily identify with when we see people suffering the effects of war and natural disasters is grief.

Even if, on the nightly news, we have only tiny glimpses of those who have lost family, friends and their homes expressing their grief, it is still hard to watch. We can hardly imagine how we would feel if we lost half as much as they. We feel the grief with them and for them.

But insofar as we can empathize with them, it is likely to trigger our own grief, not to mention a whole range of other emotions. That’s why it is so hard to watch and why a lot of people avoid information about what is happening out there in the world. That’s not good.

Whereas in many cultures it is understood that grief is a long term emotion, expected to last at least a year, in our culture it is given short shrift. A few days off perhaps and then back to work. The grief is then suppressed. It will remain that way until it gets triggered by watching others grieve openly and with full expression of the pain.

If we are to make the kind of difference in the world that I outlined in the previous blog, we need to do our own work. If we suppress our grief, or any other pain, this will only lower our vibration. We need to feel it and be present to it.

Grief does not pass quickly like some emotions. Anger, for example, can be very intense, but once expressed it usually subsides quickly and is gone. Grief lingers. It smolders. It burns deep inside. It consumes us, especially where there is much around us that reminds us of what we had and perhaps didn’t appreciate when we had it.

The pain of loss will take as long as it takes. But if we apply the Radical Forgiveness philosophy to the situation, even while we are confronted by seemingly tragic events, we become able to separate the pain from the suffering. Let me explain the difference.

Pain is pain but suffering is optional. The suffering comes when we add to the sense of loss a whole bunch of negative and erroneous beliefs about death itself, how it occurred, who was to blame for it, why it happened the way it did, and so on. The suffering caused by these beliefs is often more intense than the loss itself.

When we give up all those assumptions and the need to make the death itself tragic and the focus of our pain, we are just left with the sensation of loss alone. We have coined the term Radical Grieving to describe that process.

So when we do the Radical Transformation worksheet on what is happening out there in the world, we are doing the same thing. We feel empathy and compassion for those caught up in the situation, but we choose to let go of all the other stuff that only makes it worse. None of it is true anyway.

With the Radical Transformation worksheet, we ensure that we inject into the situation only high vibration thoughts and wishes, as well as support and compassion for those in pain. By so doing, we create the kind of energy that will ensure a peaceful end to the situation causing it. That’s why we call it Radical Transformation.

This process is so important, I’m sharing a free webinar on the Radical Transformation worksheet on October 16th at 1:30 PM Eastern time. You can sign up by clicking here. Don’t worry if you can’t make it on that day, when you register you’ll ensure you receive a link to the recording which will be available for a few days after the event.

Also, when you register, you’ll get access to another free mini-class on Radical Grieving, plus the opportunity to save $37 on the Radical Grieving Online Program.

Please join me and learn how you can radically transform yourself and the world.



Posted in Radical Grieving | 2 Comments

Shock and Awe – Again!

ShockAwe_img_largeShock and Awe – Again!

Much as President Obama has tried to keep us out of overseas wars, he, like everyone else, has been sucked in, yet again, to the idea that violence is the answer. ISIS must be eradicated.

You have to wonder, are we addicted to war? Is it in the human DNA? Could it be different? Can any one of us change it? Jesus tried his best and we see what happened to him.

As things stand, given the level of human consciousness, the status quo is not subject to change. At least not yet. That’s because it will only change when a sufficient number of people wake up. It seems we are a long way off from that point right now.

But take heart. In Gregg Braden’s book, The Isaiah Effect: Decoding the Lost Science of Prayer and Prophecy, he quotes a mathematician who worked out that if the number of people equal to the square root of 1% of the population were to raise their vibration to around 400 – 500 on the Hawkins Scale of Consciousness, there would be world peace immediately. That number turns out to be less than 8,400.

That’s not very many given that the population of the world is about 7 billion. World peace begins to look achievable, especially when you consider that according to David Hawkins’ Scale of Consciousness, the qualities of mind he says calibrate at between 350 and 400 (including acceptance and forgiveness) are the same qualities present in those practicing Radical Forgiveness on a consistent basis.

That means those of us who are awake and have adopted the Radical Forgiveness philosophy as our worldview and lifestyle can make a huge contribution to the raising of human consciousness and the creation of world peace.

And that doesn’t only mean applying Radical Forgiveness to our personal lives. When we are confronted with world events that look awful, tragic and disastrous when viewed from a human perspective, we need to be able to recognize that even in these situations there has to be spiritual purpose in there somewhere – even though we don’t know what it is.

If we can do this, and by so doing, maintain our vibration at a higher level than if we were to sink into despondency and hopelessness, we will definitely begin to make a very significant difference indeed to the overall level of vibration of the human race.

David Hawkins himself says that 400-450 is the point at which, if sufficient numbers of people were to consistently vibrate around that level, a significant shift in consciousness would take place.

But, let’s face it. This is not easy, no matter how awake you are. It’s very hard to see any perfection in, for example, the current situation wherein the group known as Islamic State are killing and terrorizing vast numbers of people, beheading people on video, and committing genocide all in the name of some perverted version of their religion.

I wish I could offer some erudite spiritual interpretation of what is happening. I can’t. But what I can say is that, as a general rule, when people act out in extreme ways that we find utterly despicable and very upsetting, they are usually mirroring for us what we need to heal in ourselves: That which we have denied, repressed and projected onto them.

In this case, this might be our own violent streak and our own propensity to use religious beliefs as a justification for doing things that are, by any other standards, wrong or simply immoral. We need only look back at the barbarism of the Crusades in Europe, of slavery in the Americas, and any host of other atrocities justified by religion to see that our collective violent past still plagues us.

What I can offer by way of assistance, however, is a Radical Transformation worksheet that is designed to first encourage you to feel your outrage, sorrow, grief, etc., that you might be feeling about a situation like this, or any other world event that seems awful. Second, it invites you to look at your reactions and possible ways you might give practical assistance or support for those involved, including the troops.

Finally, it helps you stay open to the possibility that there are no accidents. What is occurring out there is a reflection of what is in all of humanity that needs to be healed – i.e. loved and accepted.

If used in conjunction with a Radical Forgiveness worksheet done on the Jihadists, you will find you will become more optimistic and peaceful in spite of what is happening. But more importantly, perhaps, you will be actually contributing towards the creation of a peaceful outcome of the war.

As you may be aware, these worksheets enable us to bypass our minds and connect with our Spiritual Intelligence. That is the part of us that connects us to the world of Spirit or Universal Intelligence. I regard these worksheets, which include ones for Radical Forgiveness, Radical Self-Acceptance, Radical Self-Forgiveness, and Radical Transformation, as secular prayer.

I have already done webinars on all but the one that is the subject of this essay – Radical Transformation: Applying the Strategy of Radical Forgiveness to World Events. I left it until last because, while it is the simplest one of all of them to do, it is the most challenging to our intellect and the one a lot of people would reject. It is just so far away from how we experience life out there.

But I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that I do have a free webinar scheduled in which I explain this worksheet and show how it can help us all change not only ourselves but the world as well.

So do make a note of it and join me on Thursday, October 16th at 1:30 PM Eastern time to learn more about how you can contribute to world peace by transforming yourself through the Radical Transformation Worksheet.

Click here to register or go to now.

Can’t attend? Register and you will be sent a link for the replay once the webinar has ended. It will be good for 72 hours.



Posted in Current Events, Tools | 6 Comments

Is it over? If so, what’s next?

divorceIs it over? If so, what’s next?

The process of expanding into love, as we’ve been covering it for the past several weeks, does not always mean that the relationship continues.

Some couples will find, after one or both of them have awakened and gone through the renegotiating process, that compromise was not possible, or that their relationship has simply run its course and accomplished what it was meant to accomplish.

Nevertheless, the process of just getting to that point may well have expanded your capacity to love, not just love your partner but yourself too. You loved yourself enough to have asserted your need to have a relationship be a certain way, with boundaries established and values declared. You will have recognized that your partner was unable to fulfill your needs and hopefully you were able to love and accept him or her in spite of that, and leave on a good note.

The more we bring an expanded consciousness to the break-up situation, the better it will turn out, and the sooner you will be able to attract a new partner to share your life with, assuming this is something you desire.

If that is the case, I suggest you follow some rules about how to go about attracting a new mate, assuming you haven’t already done so.

The first and most important is to leave a significant amount of time between leaving one relationship and even thinking about creating another.   I think you should avoid relationships for at least 6 months, preferably a year.

No matter how centered and loving the divorce process was, when you leap straight into another relationship, even a casual one, you inevitably take with you all the issues you had in the last relationship.

Another important rule is to make sure you do the Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness work on all your previous relationships before going into a new one.

If meeting someone else precipitated the breakup of the previous relationship, you still want to be sure you leave a good long time, 6 months or a year, before you move in with each other. (Women beware – men are usually the ones to suggest moving in ASAP. You can guess why.)

You may even want to take a break for a while so you can both spend some time working on yourselves, going through Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness work so that you have a basis from which to negotiate the new relationship.

Finally, get very clear on your values and boundaries. Also, look at where you would be willing to compromise and where you would not. Identify the deal killers and be sure to stick to your guns on them. Only if you are clear about what you want (and don’t want) in a new relationship will you be able to manifest the relationship that you desire.

Remember, you’ve done the separation game so you don’t need any more of that kind of thing. You deserve a loving and equal relationship.



P.S. The best way to prepare for a new relationship is to heal the old ones! Try our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop – and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time. You’ll find it’s an invaluable toolkit for clearing old beliefs and habits, setting clear boundaries for the future, even discovering your sexual personality and how it effects your relationships. Get started today!

Posted in Relationships | 3 Comments

Forgiving is Not Liking

let go of hurtForgiving is Not Liking

The word forgiveness normally comes with a whole load of baggage. Because of its religious connotation, a lot of people think one should forgive in order to be considered righteous. This is not forgiveness. It’s pseudo-forgiveness.

When we talk about forgiving a debt or pardoning someone, we are not really forgiving them. We are just letting them off the hook.

Letting it go or trying to forget or move on is just another form of denial. It is not forgiveness. The toxic energy of the grievance remains in the body and will likely come out, in the end, as a disease.

Another assumption that attaches itself to forgiveness is that to be able to forgive them, you have to like them. That is not so in the least.

Even if you despise the person (the human being and his or her personality etc.), you can still forgive them. That’s because the process of forgiving is not about the other person. It’s about you. You do the forgiveness for you.

This happens in spite of your own very human and justifiable feelings of disdain. In the end, it comes down to whether you have the capacity to see beneath the unlikeable, despicable character manifesting in front of you and recognize the divinity in him or her.

This is not easy and that’s why we have created tools, like the Radical Acceptance of Another Worksheet, to help us shift our perception of the person so we can understand that he or she is the way he or she is because that’s exactly how he or she is meant to be.

As I wrote in my first book, Radical Forgiveness: “There are no exceptions. If you can’t forgive Hitler, you can’t really forgive anyone.”

Just as you don’t need to like them to forgive, neither do you need to stay around them if they remain emotionally or physically toxic to you. While you need to move away from them (and in Hitler’s case, wage war on him), it doesn’t stop you doing the Radical Forgiveness work on them.

Like all the worksheets, it asks that you be honest. Begin where you are and accept how you feel about the person. In other words, accept your humanness. Even if you don’t end up liking the person one bit better after having done the worksheet, the work will have been done at the energetic level anyway. You may find yourself feeling a little differently about them – neutral, perhaps, with very little energy left one way or the other.

Because the real goal of Radical Forgiveness is all about healing the illusion of separation, you might also consider the possibility that the other person is offering you the opportunity to heal that myth of separation, both within yourself, between you and him/her, and between the world of spirit and the world of humanity.

By recognizing the divinity in the other person, no matter the horrible things he or she may have done, you are connecting more deeply to the Love that is behind everything.



P.S. The Radical Acceptance of Another Worksheet mentioned in this blog are available in PDF form when you sign up for Free Stuff at If you have past and present relationships to heal, or want to prepare for a new one, take a look at our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop, and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time.

Posted in Tools | 12 Comments

I’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK!

imperfectionI’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK!

I love that line: I’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK! It captures the truth about who we are and the fact that we were never meant to be perfect. If we were, there would be no one to create opportunities for us to experience forgiveness. Our perfection lies in our imperfection.

I also love the following definition of Radical Forgiveness, which is along the same lines: It is the unconditional acceptance of what is, as is, because that’s how it is meant to be.

Putting the two together then, we can say Radical Self-Forgiveness is accepting the consequences of being ourselves, just as we are. Period.

It is so simple, but our own self-hatred is so deep, it is very hard to rise above it and touch the essence of who we are, which is Love. (The definition of Love is the same as Radical Forgiveness: Unconditional acceptance of what is, as is. Think about it!)

We’ve already covered a lot of what causes this: mainly parents and adults who shamed us into believing that we are no good. And so our core toxic beliefs about ourselves took root. Religious dogma that insisted we were sinners with no inherent divinity contributed its share. These and other influences gave permission to our inner judge and inner critic to make us wrong at every opportunity.

The book, A Course in Miracles, takes this much further by saying all our self-hatred comes from our overwhelming guilt over having defied God by choosing to separate from Him. i.e. the original sin. We are terrified that God will punish us so we project our guilt onto everyone else hoping to avoid the punishment.

I don’t buy that for one minute. My assumption is that we are here with God’s blessing, facilitating his/her/its expansion of consciousness. Hence the term Expanding into Love – expanding into God consciousness.

The difficulty with resolving our unconscious self-hatred caused by core-negative beliefs anchored in our subconscious minds is that they are mostly unconscious. Nevertheless, they are acting like little internal gyroscopes determining our lives and causing us a lot of distress.

So the first step is to find out what these core-negative beliefs are. The way to do this is to look at what keeps showing up in your life, and then you can deduce what the belief must be that creates those circumstances. Your beliefs create your reality out there in the world.

People also energetically pick up on your beliefs about yourself and subconsciously treat you according to how you are projecting the energy around the belief. So if you believe you are not worthy, people will pick up on that and make sure you don’t get what you desire.

The trick is to recognize that this person is subconsciously providing you with an opportunity to heal the misperception that you are unworthy. So you do a Radical Forgiveness worksheet on that person and that takes care of it. You might also do a Radical Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance worksheet on yourself for holding that false belief.

Once you have completed your list of “likely” beliefs, look through to see which have the most resonance. The next step is to love those beliefs into healing. . . yes, love them as part of who you have been up until now, and remain open to the possibility they have served you. Love them for what they have done for you, even if you can’t see it.



P.S. The worksheets mentioned in this blog are available in PDF form when you sign up for Free Stuff at Colin’s Cafe.

P.P.S. Looking to work on your relationships, past, present and future? Try our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop, and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time.

Posted in Shift in Consiousness | 5 Comments

How to renegotiate your relationship

ReconciliationHow to Renegotiate Your Relationship

Expanding into Love is not simply about increasing romantic love; it is about increasing your CAPACITY to love, albeit in a very different way. It means developing the ability to accept people the way they are and seeing the divinity in them. . . no matter what.

In the early phase of our lives, before we have awakened to the truth that we are all one, romantic love tends to involve control, demands, domination, expectations and even exploitation of the other. It is a highly conditional kind of love.

(It is also what makes relationships perfect as a way to experience the pain of separation, that being the purpose of coming here in the first place.)

In the second phase of our lives, after we have awakened, it is our task to expand beyond that kind of love into a love that offers freedom, mutual respect, equality and honoring of differences.

By the way, this does not just apply to our romantic relationships, but to all relationships. (What if everyone did this? There would be no more wars.)

That said, however, this is no easy task. Old habits die hard. Our old ways of relating are unconscious and seem perfectly natural. Expanding into this new way of relating takes conscious effort and is really nothing less than advanced spiritual practice.

Incidentally, it is obviously best if both partners engage in this expansion of consciousness within the relationship. But it is not essential. When you do it on your own, it may pull your partner along anyway, almost without him or her knowing it.

But if he or she is totally resistant, then this becomes an even more of a spiritual challenge for you to find acceptance of him or her just the way he/she is. On the other hand, if the resistance is such that no progress can be made, then leaving the relationship might be the best option.

Assuming both are engaged in the process, the next step is to renegotiate the relationship in the direction suggested above. I suggest doing this in 4 stages:

1. Assess where things stand today, looking at how things have progressed since the beginning right up to present day. Obviously, both parties need to be brutally honest and accepting of the other’s assessment.
2. Look at your spoken (and unspoken) assumptions and expectations, demands and manipulations, and to see how they have worked out. Reflect on how you have given yourself away, compromised or sold out to get what you thought you wanted. Then, how much love do you have now and what kind of love has it become? Discuss where practical and/or structural changes might be made and what might need to be done to shift the energy between you.

Almost certainly, there will be some Radical Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness to do at this stage. Make a list of all grievances, regrets, disappointments and guilt trips, and then do the forgiveness work. You really want to start with a clean slate before moving on to the next stage, which is where you begin to consciously renegotiate the relationship in very stark terms.

3. Establish the core values on which your future behavior in the relationship will be based, irrespective of how it had been in the past, requiring them to be respected and honored at all times henceforth.
4. Establish and declare your boundaries and whatever else you consider to be the conditional factors in deciding whether or not the relationship continues.

If you are looking for a clear and focused way to do this work, I suggest you look at our brand new Expanding in Love Online Workshop. It includes the Assessing My Relationship online worksheet, which enables you to look at how things have progressed since the beginning right up to the present day. It takes you through all 4 stages, just as if you were attending a live workshop. . . and for a limited time, select a free bonus gift when you sign up.

I wish you success in this challenging endeavor.



Posted in Relationships | Comments Off

Time to Assess the Relationship?

My BoundariesTime to Assess the Relationship?
In my book Expanding into Love, I make the point that in the first half of our incarnation, prior to our awakening at about mid-life, the purpose of relationship is to create opportunities to feel the pain of separation, that being the very thing we came in to experience.
We wanted that so we could learn that separation is an illusion, and that in reality there is only Love and Oneness. The purpose of relationships in this first phase, therefore, is about experiencing ways of feeling separate and alone.
Of course, that’s not the image we are told to expect from being in relationship. We are told it will make us whole, and we will live happily ever after. It’s a lie, of course.
That’s OK though. We have to play the separation game without any awareness of the real reason for the difficulties, otherwise we would get no value from them.
Relationships in that phase, then, tend to be about domination, control, demand, and expectation. This leads to things like infidelity, betrayal, abandonment etc., all good ways to experience the pain of separation.
Once we begin to awaken, however, the purpose of relationship shifts dramatically. It now becomes about healing the separation, forgiving the past and practicing coming together as equals, allowing freedom, giving respect and seeing the other as perfect the way they are, demanding nothing and being free of expectation.
We call this the Expanding into Love Phase, because it is about increasing our CAPACITY to love, which means being able to accept people as they are and seeing the divinity in them no matter what.
Obviously, this is not an easy transition to make. Old habits die hard. It is even more difficult if one partner is not awake and sees no need to make the shift.  
This is not necessarily a reason to leave the marriage, however. In fact, it may offer a great opportunity to learn unconditional acceptance.
A lot of people have a tendency at this time to jump ship too early and miss the growth opportunities inherent in the process of making this shift with the person you know best.
That said, no matter how the relationship looks now that awakening has occurred, whether it has happened for both of you or not, it is time to make a realistic assessment of the relationship, and to begin a process of re-negotiating it based on an agreed set of values, boundaries and requests.
Only then will you be in a position to decide if it is worth going on with it or not.
eil onlineP.S. If this article really resonates with you, check out our brand new Expanding in Love Online Program, it’s an invaluable aid to the process of re-evaluating and re-negotiating your primary partnership.

Posted in Relationships, Tools | 4 Comments

Depression – A Coping Mechanism

robin_williams_300Depression – A Coping Mechanism

In the wake of Robin Williams successful but tragic suicide, the topic of depression has once again come to the fore.

Unfortunately, the coverage of the death of Lauren Bacall the very next day provided a diversion and an excuse to turn away from the topic of depression and the uncomfortable truth that 1 in 6, and in some places 1 in 5, people are on anti-depressants.

People who have severe clinical depression because of a real chemical imbalance in their brains need medication like this, of course, and thank God it’s available to them. It works wonders for that kind of thing.

However, the vast majority of those 1 in 5 being prescribed anti-depressants are surely not clinically depressed. If they are, then something very serious is happening to us en masse.

But, I don’t think that’s the case. People are just generally pissed off and don’t really know why, or don’t know what to do about it. But given our present approach to the treatment of depression, the 1 in 5 are numbed out with medication.

In the discussions I heard on UK radio and television these last few days, I have heard a lot about the effects of depression, one of which is suicide, but almost nothing about the cause. Just declaring it an illness, like it is something that just happens for no apparent reason is no help at all. There must be a cause.

Depression is not an emotion. It is a coping mechanism. It’s a way to avoid dealing with the emotional pain that is just under the surface, turned inwards and manifesting as feelings of unworthiness, self hatred and utter futility.

It has been my observation over the last 20 years working with basically well people in my practice, that this kind of depression is simply a mask. Underneath that depression is repressed rage, fear, resentment, shame and guilt – you name it. And most of it has its origins in unresolved childhood wounds.

Nine times out of ten, once you deal with those wounds and the repressed hurt and pain associated with them, the depression lifts. The need for the coping mechanism goes away.

A member of my own extended family had suffered serious bouts of depression. After some discussion we discovered his pain related not to the fact he was adopted but that his own birth mother had abandoned him. Deep down he felt he was not wanted and not worthy to be alive. I helped deal with that. He is now functioning extremely well, albeit with some medication at a relatively low dose.

I have had great success with this over the years using the Radical Forgiveness methodology. This has proven to be a very successful way of healing childhood wounds and restoring the person’s self-worth.

On the BBC today, a psychiatrist made the point that the earlier you can catch it, the better. I agree – but please not just with a pill that will only numb the pain again. If, instead, we give them a way to heal those wounds, their symptomology wouldn’t develop into full blown clinical depression that might then, at that point, need medication.

Posted in Current Events, Mind-Body-Spirit | 19 Comments