Colin’s Hot Topics for Radical Living

by Colin Tipping

The more technology shrinks and connects our world, the more we are confronted with challenges that we have to deal with, almost on a daily basis. As I watch it all unfold, I will be inspired from time to time, to focus attention on and share with you how my Radical Living Strategies can help all of us meet our challenges with greater ease and compassion. My hope is that these offerings give you the insight you need to create the peaceful, fulfilling life you desire.

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Seeing the “Perfection” in the Situation – The Reframe

man frameIt’s that word “perfection” that bugs me! That’s what a lot of people say to me when I talk about a Radical Forgiveness Reframe.

Well, how about purpose then? As in, “I Am Willing to See the Purpose in the Situation?” or “I’m Willing to See the Hand of God in the Situation?”

Whatever makes it possible for you to open up to the idea that nothing wrong was or is happening, and there’s nothing to forgive… which is the essence of Radical Forgiveness.

“A crazy idea,” screams the Mind.

I know. It does seem crazy. It takes a big shift in consciousness to reframe events in this way. Thank God for the fact that the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet helps us make that shift.

In the free webinar coming up on the April 24, I’m going to take you through the Radical Forgiveness worksheet, step by step, but I thought it would be helpful to give you a few pointers first for the bit that people find most difficult. The reframe.

So what is it, and what constitutes a proper reframe? Well, when we reframe a situation we basically exchange one set of assumptions rooted in the World of Humanity (as in the victim story) for another set rooted in the World of Spirit.

It matters not whether the reframe is “true;” rather it is how we frame it with assumptions anchored in the World of Spirit that constitutes the test as to whether it is indeed a Radical Forgiveness reframe or not.

It is very common for people, even seasoned Radical Forgiveness coaches and graduates, to express their reframes in terms of having received a ‘gift,’ a ‘lesson’ or even a ‘healing’ that remain, to all intents and purposes, firmly anchored in the World of Humanity, even though they are dressed up in spiritual language. They nevertheless fail the test.

Example: A friend of mine who was herself a holocaust survivor, told me about an exhibition in the Holocaust Museum in Auschwitz, Germany, that featured a huge pile of children’s shoes. All of them had been taken from the children before they were gassed.

As a student of Radical Forgiveness she made an attempt to reframe it, primarily so she could come to terms with it herself and integrate it somehow into her own personal history of having been part of that terrible experience.

She said that perhaps the reframe was that the ‘gift’ (there’s that word again — always a trap) was that the souls of the children ‘volunteered’ to die in this way so that people who saw the pile of shoes would ensure that, since children are always the victims of war, they would never create war again. In that sense, there was a Divine purpose in what happened.

In that statement were indeed two assumptions rooted in the World of Spirit. One was that there is no death and souls choose when and how to make their transition both in and out of human form. The second was that there was Divine purpose, even in this situation.

It counts, perhaps, as a partial reframe to that extent. But making it about “stopping wars” snapped it right back into the World of Humanity and made it no more than a case of cause and effect.

By way of an example, let me offer a possible reframe for this which might pass the test. “I now realize that the souls who inhabited those children’s bodies incarnated with a specific mission to be killed in a particularly gruesome manner to teach us that we are all One, that separation is not real, that death is not real, and that when we senselessly kill a seemingly innocent child, we kill ourselves. And that we are all children of God; the One ‘Sonship.’”

In anticipation of someone asserting that the reframe inherent in Jill’s Story (Chapter One in my book Radical Forgiveness) fails the test because I made it about saving my sister’s marriage and ‘healing’ her core-negative belief that her father didn’t love her, let me say this: If it were just about that, it would fail the test. What it was really about though, and Jill really did get this, was that her own Spiritual Intelligence created the whole scenario as an opportunity to learn that she was loved, that she was whole and complete with or without a man, and that she was entirely responsible for her life and that only Spirit is real. The rest was simply an illusion — a victim story based in the World of Humanity which she was able to release.

I hope this helps you in the process of doing a Radical Forgiveness worksheet, in particular with step number 18. Having said all this though, it really doesn’t matter what you write on the worksheet. Your intention to do it is enough. You cannot screw it up! Would God care if you failed the reframe test? I don’t think so.

Blessings,

Colin

P.S. I’m looking forward to the April 24th Recognizing the Power in Using the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet Webinar, where I’ll be going through the worksheet step by step. You can join me, absolutely free. Sign up today.

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Origins of the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet

filling out a worksheetHow the worksheet came about is an interesting story in itself. I actually owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Michael Ryce for having inspired me to use a worksheet to help people forgive.

I attended one of his lectures during which he handed out his worksheet. I thought it was a great idea but frankly I thought it sucked graphically.

I also found the language too difficult, just like the book, A Course in Miracles, on which Michael’s approach was based.

So, in my arrogance I presumed to redesign it for him. I even had the gall to send it to him, thinking he would be grateful.

Not surprisingly, I didn’t hear back. I thank him for that. Had he accepted it, I would not have gone on to make one for myself.

Neither would I be planning a webinar based on my own Radical Forgiveness Worksheet on April 24th at 1:30 p.m.ET. When you register you will be provided a link where you can download a copy of the worksheet.

If you wish to attend, click here to register for the webinar.

He and I laughed about it later on, and although I did sell some pads of worksheets at the beginning, I soon decided to follow Michael’s lead and gave it away as he did, a freely given gift. It has been available this way from our website for 20+ years.

For the longest time, I did not realize what the worksheet really was and what it did. I imagined it just helped you marshal your thoughts about why you wanted to forgive, a sort of checklist.

I did not understand that its real power lay in connecting you to your Spiritual Intelligence in such a way as to totally neutralize the energy of victimhood, as if by magic.

After a while, I decided to make the process of Radical Forgiveness easier still by coming up with 13 questions that were similar to the statements and questions on the worksheet and recording them on a CD.

The only thing the person had to do was listen and answer “Yes” to them all. This was based on the work of Arnold Patent who was my mentor. He had put together some 11 steps that worked in a similar way.

In 2002, I wondered whether it would still work if the worksheet was on the computer and the person typed in their response. It did, so I had a programmer design an interactive online worksheet, and for 10 years I offered that at no charge too.

It is now in the resources section of the Colin’s Cafe membership site, along with many others that have come along since. It is one of the perks of being a member.

Now you know the story of the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet. The worksheet itself has evolved and is now quite a bit different from the earlier one.

Why not attend the free Radical Forgiveness Worksheet Webinar on April 24th at 1:30 p.m., in which I will go through each step of the worksheet with you and take questions afterwards. I think you will find it very enlightening.

Blessings,

Colin

Click here to register for the webinar and receive the link to download a copy of the worksheet.

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The “Tipping Method” Worksheet Technology

Free Stuff1People often say to me about my book, Radical Forgiveness, “I really love your book.”

In response I ask, “Have you done the worksheet described in the book yet?”  If they say “No,” then I retort, “Then you have missed the point of the book. 

You may have got it intellectually, but you won’t have integrated it into your being.  It’s still only an idea until you have actually experienced the shift in energy that occurs by doing a worksheet.” 

I would have been referring to the Radical Forgiveness worksheet in that instance, but the same applies to all the worksheets.

It is the use of these tools that is the basis of what is now known as The Tipping Method. They are:

The Radical Forgiveness Worksheet
The Radical Acceptance (of another) Worksheet
The Radical Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance Worksheet
The Radical Transformation Worksheet
The Radical Manifestation Worksheet
The Radical Self-Acceptance Worksheet
The Money Consciousness Worksheet

The one that came first in 1993, long before the book was written, was the Radical Forgiveness worksheet.  It still is the template for all that have followed, so for that reason I am offering a no-charge webinar on April 24th at 1:30 ET that focuses on how to use the Radical Forgiveness worksheet. 

During the webinar and in the Q&A session afterwards, I will explain how to approach each of the questions on the worksheet and get the meaning in each statement and what to expect from the experience.  I will also explain the basis on which it is constructed so you can relate to the structure more clearly.

To register for the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet Webinar click here.

This and all the other worksheets are available at no charge from www.radicalforgiveness.com.  We have also created some rather more sophisticated, online interactive versions of most of them, but these are only available to those who belong to my membership site, Colin’s Café.

The potency of these worksheets should not be underestimated.  They are simple to do, and yet they achieve amazing results. 

This is because they activate your Spiritual Intelligence, which is the ‘mind’ of the Higher Self.  It perceives you doing the worksheet as a cry to be connected with that Truth, and it will respond accordingly. 

That’s why I call doing the worksheet ‘secular prayer.’  You cannot just do it in your head, though.  It simply does not work that way.  It becomes an intellectual exercise which only activates the rational mind, not the mind of the Higher Self. 

This is why we lay such stress on doing the worksheets and encourage you to push through the resistance to doing them, which is something we all feel.

Even if you have done worksheets before, you will still learn a lot by attending this webinar.  If you haven’t already felt the power of doing one then you owe it to yourself to come and see for yourself what a powerful tool it is.  Register now to get your place.

To register for the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet Webinar, click here. I look forward to seeing you.

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A Fly on the Wall

This isn’t Colin’s typical flyThursday blog. This is being written by me, Shari Claire, one of the senior coaches at the Institute for Radical Forgiveness, and one of the people behind the scenes.

I have been involved in Radical Forgiveness one way or another for almost 12 years. If you have ever emailed or called the Institute, I’m probably the person that you spoke to or corresponded with.

When Colin gave me the opportunity to assist with the Expanding in Love Workshop in Atlanta last week, I jumped at the chance. Being able to observe the way Colin interacts with the attendees and his subtle ways of teaching are always a joy to see, and I learn so much that I can take back to my own practice.

Colin has been doing the Expanding in Love Workshop in Europe, and this was the first one in the United States. He told me how much success they’d had, and I was very excited to see how the technology of Radical Forgiveness and Radical Manifestation could lend itself to strengthening existing relationships, manifesting new relationships, and putting closure to those relationships that no longer serve us.

And, I had the advantage of being the observer – the little fly on the wall.

The group attending the workshop was very diverse. There were five couples; four people who were in existing relationships, but were not with their partners; and the remaining 9 were either desiring to manifest a relationship or to put closure on a past relationship.

Of the five couples that attended, one was newly wed and came to learn the tools needed to build a good foundation. One couple had a fairly good relationship, but was experiencing a little bump in the road surrounding some sexual issues. One couple was in therapy and had already separated. Their desire was to get as much clarity about their relationship and a decision to either end their marriage or continue working things out. The other two couples had all but decided to call it quits, but attended as a last-ditch effort to see if the relationship was salvageable.

As with any workshop, the first day was typical with people showing up with a little bit of fear and apprehension. The idea of getting real when surrounded by strangers is often daunting, but the format of this workshop soon made people feel relaxed, open, and hopeful that they would not only learn new skills but would have definitive answers by the end of the weekend.

As I checked people in at the door, I observed how stressed some of the participants looked. Some of them had resistance drawn all over their faces, but by the end of that first night I could see a lot of the armor people walked in with starting to drop.

Saturday consisted of learning a whole battery of new tools and how to apply them, and really got down to assessing what baggage we may have brought into our relationships and how we so often attract our opposites. It was fun to watch people realize what their sexual personalities were, and how that played out in not only their intimate relationships, but in most relationships they have in everyday life.

Sunday was a day of fun, sharing, reconciliation, planning, making commitments, tears, laughter, and people being real. Everyone there was so grateful to the couples who had participated so openly and who showed all of us the true meaning of commitment, communication, and unconditional love.

We always take a group picture at the end of every workshop. I wish we would have taken a before picture on that first night, and compared it to the one we took Sunday afternoon. It was as if they had all gone through a time machine, because they looked younger, happier, full of life, and had that inner glow that is only possible when you find your true self.

Colin and JoAnn were on their “A” games, and I feel very privileged to have been a small part of this awesome Expanding in Love Workshop. See the testimonials below.


If you have any doubt about this workshop being of benefit to you, please shoot me an email at support@radicalforgiveness.com or pick up the phone and call me at 972–202–9926. I would love to talk to you.

Blessings,

Shari

P.S. You can click here to read more about the Expanding in Love Workshop taking place in Truckee, CA in April.

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Excerpt from New Book: Grieving With Less Pain

I’m still in my post-birth euphoria phase, buzzing with excitement about having birthed my new book, 25 Practical Uses for Radical Forgiveness: A Handbook for Solving the Problems and Challenges of Everyday Life In a New Way.

The eBook version is available now, but we are offering the printed book at this time to you first – before the official publication date of April 1st.

Scroll down to the end to see a list of all 25 applications (they are like chapter headings really), and you’ll see the wide variety of uses to which Radical Forgiveness can be put with often quite spectacular results.

I thought I would spare you yet another reminder about the Book Launch Package and instead give you a brief excerpt from one application that I often get a lot of questions about – Application #22: Grieving the Loss of a Loved One With Less Pain.

“When death of a loved one, or even a pet, comes gently and quite naturally at the end of life, we can prepare ourselves for it and deal with the loss without too much anguish. But if the death is premature, tragic, accidental, unexpected or self-inflicted, the grief can be excruciating. Children who lose their parents at a young age may carry that loss all through their lives.

We don’t do grief well in the western world. Compared to people in other parts of the world, we have very few rituals or customs that help us grieve. We don’t allow ourselves time to grieve to the extent we should, given the intensity of the suffering a death can cause and how toxic that energy can become if it is not felt and fully expressed.

Grief is a process and we must give ourselves time to go through it. A soldier who loses a limb in the war will need to grieve the loss of the leg or arm before he or she can go on and adjust to life without it. A person who loses the job he has been in for years and given his life to will need to grieve it as well. Without grieving the old one, he won’t be able to attract a new job that will suit him. Someone who loses a relationship must grieve the loss of that relationship before he or she can successfully create a new one. Otherwise, he or she will take the old energy into the new one and lose that one too.

You cannot make yourself move through grief in less time than it takes. For some it might take a few days, while for others it can take months, if not years. Rather than short-circuit our grief, we need a way to transform it.

And that’s where Radical Forgiveness comes in. We can reduce our suffering simply by seeing the death from a Radical Forgiveness perspective. Instead of seeing it, as most people now do, as a failure, untimely, preventable, etc., we can ease the pain if we become open to the possibility that the death occurred when and how it was meant to happen. Also, by realizing that we have no right to judge it since it was of our soul’s choosing, not ours. Even death by murder, if it were to happen, would be ‘perfect’ because we would have to assume our soul wanted that experience.

The other important assumption that has to be released is that death is real. It is not real. The soul is immortal. Only the body dies. It is simply a significant change in the frequency at which we vibrate that moves us from one state of being to another.

Once we have stopped defining grief as being remorse over the death itself, our suffering is greatly reduced. Our grief is then all about our unbearable loss, the pain of knowing that we will not have the person in our lives anymore. Yes, that will take time to accept, but it is made a whole lot easier by letting go of all that other junk.”

This chapter then goes on to offer an exercise that anyone experiencing grief can do to help them ease the pain, and the need to forgive everyone who is in some way implicated in that person’s death.

So you see, in this book, we don’t just say “do a worksheet and get over it.” We look at the issues underlying the topic in question, establishing a context in which Radical Forgiveness makes perfect sense. Insight is an important ingredient in the healing process.

Be blessed,

Colin

P.S. The Book Launch Package is only available until midnight U.S. Eastern time Friday. Order now and along with the paperback edition, you’ll get the Radical Forgiveness CD absolutely free, plus an opportunity to add on the eBook for just $1.97. Don’t miss it!

LIST OF CONTENTS

Introduction
Chapter 1: Preparing the Ground
Chapter 2: Digging into the Subsoil
Chapter 3: Ditching Victim Consciousness

PART 1: APPLICATIONS FOR BETTER HEALTH
1. Raise Your Vibration and Be Happy
2. Detox Your Body, Reduce Stress, Live Longer, and Enjoy Better Sex
3. Scrub Out Your Chakras and Heal From the Inside Out
4. A CancerHelp and Prevention Strategy
5. Lose Weight and Love Your Body
6. Control Perfectionism & CFS and Find Your Inner Slob
7. Overcome Your Addiction with RF as the Next Step
8. Release That Trauma and Let’s Get On With Life
9. Manage Anger and Other Juicy Emotions

PART 2: APPLICATIONS FOR DISPUTE RESOLUTION
10. Resolve Disputes, Win Lawsuits and Ace Court Cases

PART 3: APPLICATIONS FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIPS
Preamble – What Are Relationships For Anyway?
11. Make Peace with Your Family and Heal Generations Past
12. How to Survive the Slings and Arrows of Parenting
13. Revive a Failing Relationship – Make it or Break It!
14. How to Negotiate for a ‘Win-Win’ Reconciliation
15. Find Love and Acceptance for Yourself, the Way You Are
16. Find Love for the Other Guy Even if He is a Jerk
17. Survive Divorce and Move On to What’s Next

PART 4: PRACTICAL SPIRITUALITY AT WORK
18. Optimize Success in Business with Radical Forgiveness
19. How to Rescue a Dysfunctional Family Business
20. Shift Your Money Consciousness

PART 5: DEATH, TRAGEDY AND OTHER ILLUSIONS
21. Making Your Radical Forgiveness Bucket List
22. Grieving the Loss of a Loved One with Less Pain
23. Making Sense of Abortion

PART 6: APPLICATIONS FOR TRANSFORMING MASS CONSCIOUSNESS
24. Transforming the Illusion of Tragic World Events
25. Surviving and Riding the Shift: Trusting the Process

Posted in Radical Grieving | 3 Comments

Your Sexual Personality (not to be posted on your Facebook page!)

cat-sexualityThe following model was created by John Kappas, Ph.D., the author and founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. Check it out for yourself.

Through many years of doing relationship therapy with hundreds of couples, he observed and maintained that there are basically two types of sexual personality, each driven by a specific fear.

On one side of the scale is the one he describes as physical sexual. On the other is one described as emotional sexual.

The terms physical sexual and emotional sexual can be misleading. What is being referred to here is how the person defends the part of themselves they feel to be most threatened.

The physical sexual is driven by an intense fear of rejection. Feeling vulnerable emotionally he or she defends against the threat of rejection by putting his/her physical body out front as a form of protection.

The emotional sexual, on the other hand, is driven by a strong fear of intimacy. Feeling vulnerable physically, he or she protects his or her body by putting up a wall of emotion comprising fear, intense shyness and distrust.

This has all sorts of ramifications for how they each show up in the world. So let me provide a sketch profile of each extreme so you might get a feel for where on the following scale you might be. The ideal is to have around a 60/40 bias towards one end or the other. That way you will be more able to understand those with the opposite bias.

People With an Extreme Physical Sexual Personality
— They are classic extroverts who project their sexuality outwards. In extreme cases they flaunt it.

— They are very comfortable with their bodies and have a high sex drive. They are ready for sex at a moment’s notice and the men can last for hours.

— They wear clothes and jewelry that emphasize and bring attention to their physical body and their sexual attractiveness. This applies to women more than men, but a physical male is always conscious of how he looks.

— Image and appearance are very important to them. No matter what they buy, the main consideration is how it makes them look.

— They crave acceptance and attention because of their fear of rejection, which means everything they do is designed to get approval. They are extremely sensitive to criticism.

— If rejected, rather than withdraw, they will push forward even more, trying to win you over with charm and persuasion. They become very insistent and pushy. They will not take no for an answer, especially from an emotional sexual person of the opposite sex, to whom they are irresistibly attracted. They can be assertive and controlling, almost to the point of being obnoxious, if they smell rejection.

— They are the life-and-soul of any party, very popular and always seem comfortable in social situations. They are never at a loss for something to talk about and small talk comes easy to them.

— They are natural risk takers in all aspects of their lives so they are often entrepreneurs and/or indulge in very physical sports, especially team sports.

— They are less concerned about their bodies being hurt than they are about having their feelings crushed.

— All their emotions are experienced physically rather than mentally, and when their feelings are hurt, they feel it as intense pain in their bodies. The pain can be so bad that they can literally be incapacitated by it for long periods of time.

— When a relationship ends they are devastated and have a very difficult time letting go of it. They take it very personally and feel utterly rejected. They also have a very hard time moving on. It may be many months before they will have another serious relationship, though they will have plenty of sex in the meanwhile. They need it just to feel OK.

— They are hopelessly idealistic about love and relationships and very romantically inclined. Once in a relationship they tend to be loyal and monogamous. At the same time they are very jealous and possessive.

—They put family and/or relationships before career or any other aspect of life. It’s their #1 priority.

—They communicate by indirect implication and inferences, relying on the listener to make the correct interpretation. On the other hand, they hear only what is said literally and don’t pick up on inferences. You have to tell them explicitly and frequently that you love them. They will not infer that you do just because you are there.

People With an Emotional Sexual Personality
— They are the classic introverts and they tend to fold down and withdraw into themselves to protect their feelings of physical vulnerability.

— They are not in the least bit comfortable in their bodies and have a closed, protective bodily stance that says, “Don’t come close, and don’t touch me.” Their arms will be in front of them as protection and their feet tend to be turned inwards.

— They dress conservatively to divert attention away from their body and to hide their sexuality. Women will wear high neck dresses or loose clothing to hide their figure.
They will wear minimal makeup, if they wear any at all, and will wear sensible shoes. Men will dress conservatively.

— They are not particularly social and have great difficulty making small talk. At parties, they are usually the wallflowers. They leave early.

— They feel their feelings inwardly and process them mentally. They seldom express feelings outwardly and do not like to show physical affection in public.

— They do not much like to be touched. Even a light touch quickly turns to irritation. The kind of touch a physical considers affectionate can seem like physical assault to an emotional.

— They are turned on sexually much more by visual and mental stimuli than by touch. They are not automatically ready for sex like the physical is and need a lot of warming up. Emotional men are not the sexual athletes physical sexual men are. Once they have ejaculated, it is all over, whereas physicals can go on for hours.

— For them, sex is not a high priority, neither is family, children or relationships. Their priority is work and career, followed by their hobby. Relationships come a distant third. They are not very fond of children and they may choose never to marry.

— They often have extramarital affairs and think little of it because they do not equate love with sex as does the physical. They like the mental excitement of an affair.

— When a relationship ends they get over it in a matter of days and replace easily. They do not take it as a personal rejection of themselves.

— They don’t like team sports but they excel at individual sports that require rigorous training and are self-challenging.

— They lead with their minds in everything, from work, games and even sex. They are analytical, careful and methodical and therefore seldom spontaneous.

— They buy cars not on style and image but on which is the most efficient and best engineered. They will research it to death before they buy.

— If they go into business for themselves, they tend to be accountants, computer OKprogrammers, engineers, researchers, and technicians. They like precise, solitary work and are detail-oriented. They can be very successful in business.

— They pick up on inferences and subtle implications, but they speak very directly and precisely. They don’t waste words and are not physically expressive.

In a later follow-up blog on this topic I will share with you what happens when two people of the opposite type come together in relationship (they are strongly attracted to each other,) and what happens when the bliss of the honeymoon period begins to wane. It is very interesting to watch. It might even shed light on your own relationship.

This weekend in Atlanta (and next month in Truckee, CA), I’ll be exploring this topic in some depth in my Expanding In Love Workshop. Participants fill in a special questionnaire to find out where they are on the scale and where their partner is, leading to much greater understanding and respect for each other.

When you finally “get” your partner’s sexual personality, it can be an eye-opening experience. Many things you may have interpreted as hurtful become much clearer when you really understand where your partner is coming from… and your intimacy and love becomes that much deeper.

Blessings,

Colin

Posted in Relationships | 14 Comments

A Real But Vicarious Buzz

Training copyIn my last message I waxed lyrical about how satisfying it is to coach people in Radical Forgiveness, self-forgiveness and all the other Radical Living strategies derived from them. My purpose was to encourage you to learn to do the same by taking the training.

But I confess that in doing so, I became quite nostalgic for the days when I did only that — working one-on-one with clients. I miss it a great deal. It is so incredibly rewarding. These days, I just write, plan courses, do workshops, travel extensively and run the business.

I do enjoy most of that, but watching the light bulbs go on in people as they suddenly get what their story is really all about is a real buzz. It’s addictive even. It is such a privilege to be part of someone’s life transformation.

In the online training programs, there are a whole bunch of videos of me doing real sessions with people as real demonstrations. (I got those done by putting the word out offering free sessions if they would agree to be filmed.)

When I review these videos with students during the live training, I realize just how much I miss working with individuals in a coaching context. It’s so amazing to see those light bulbs popping one after another.

I was also inspired by the degree of courage people had when confronted with their past hurts and yet how willing they became to see the perfection in it and let it all go. It sure does help me let go of my own stuff whenever I think about them, or get e-mails from them telling how much their life has changed.

But even though I do little coaching one-on-one, I am not denied the pleasure that comes from it. I now get that buzz in a more vicarious manner by showing others how to get those kind of results, sharing in their joy and in the rewards that come from them doing the work. That is very satisfying for me.

If Radical Forgiveness Coaching is something that interests you, I hope I might one day have that same pleasure hearing about your success with this work.

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A Game of Chicken

Did I scare you off with my ‘Only If You Dare’ e-mail?  I was pretty blunt about the risk of doing the Expanding in Love workshop, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you had said to yourself, “no way, Jose!” 

 

Dealing with your shadow stuff can be scary, but quite honestly compared to the Miracles Workshop, this one is not so bad in that regard, I promise.  I will admit, though, it does ask you to confront your beliefs and habits about relationships, so there’s a fair chance it could shake things up a bit for you. 

 

But can you honestly say that things couldn’t use a bit of a shake-up in the relationship department right now?  It doesn’t have to be ‘make-it-or-break-it’ time, really.  A little tweaking can go a long way, and the payoff could be amazing.

 

Would it reassure you if I told you that in England, my youngest daughter, Caroline, came with her husband to this same workshop and both loved it?  Well, they did.  It was their first ever workshop — not just with me but any workshop.

 

(I was very nervous about her coming because she would have told me in no uncertain terms if she thought I was full of you know what.  That’s just the way she is.  I love her for it, though.)

 

Actually, she didn’t, and she tells me they have spent quality time re-negotiating the terms of their relationship, creating boundaries, learning about each other’s sexual personalities and, most important of all, have committed to talking to each other about these things even if it seems it might be a bit difficult.  It has improved their relationship no end – and co-incidentally (ha-ha), her business.  That too has blossomed. (And she now thinks her ‘ole man’ is quite cool!)

 

So, don’t be a chicken.  If your relationship needs help, get yourself to the workshop.  You still have a bit of time to book for the one in April, in Truckee, CA, but this is definitely the last call for the one in Atlanta March 14th – 16th.  Register today.

 

And don’t play chicken about making me an offer if the only reason you have not booked already is that you don’t have the money.  Tell me what you can genuinely afford as a real stretch so you get value from the workshop and I will consider it, so long as there are still spaces left.  So act now.

Not in a relationship right now?  That’s okay, we have many single attendees as well, and believe me, there is no harm in working through your past relationships.  It will give you the confidence to set boundaries right from the start of your next relationship… and almost everything you learn can be applied to any relationship, from work to family to friends.

I look forward to seeing you.

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Snakes and Crocodiles

Snakes and CrocodilesHere’s a question for you. Which country do you think tops the list as far as the number of men coming to my Radical Forgiveness workshops relative to the number of women?

You’ll find the answer at the end of this blog. And no, the answer is not “gay country,” because while plenty of gay men do attend RF workshops, most of the men who attend are straight. I think you will be surprised when you find out. It’s very counter-intuitive.

This topic is much on my mind, having just enjoyed a great weekend with my men’s group. We have been meeting now for over 10 years, and yet still we have issues come up we need support from each other in resolving.

Sometimes it is a healing we need, even now after all these years. We are there for each other no matter what.

In that sense, we men are no different from women. We hurt too. The difference arises in the degree to which we allow ourselves to acknowledge it, let alone share our pain. We tend to build a wall around ourselves and around our hearts and resist letting others in.

The ratio of women to men at my workshops is typically around 80/20. Only once did I ever have a Miracles Workshop, which is the most intense of all the workshops I do, in which there were more men than women. 8 out of 15. That was amazing.

Typically, the men hold back when there is only one or two in the group. But when there are four or five, they then show the women how to do it. They become willing to show vulnerability and compassion to the extent that the women just gape in amazement.

The other thing we have noticed is that even though they tend to project their anger and frustration out there onto others, the person they are most mad at is themselves. They are really hard on themselves and carry a lot of guilt and shame.

“Men stuff,” mostly, of course. The kind of stuff women can never understand.

Which is why a high proportion of those who choose to do the Online Self-Forgiveness/Self-Acceptance Program are, in fact, men. I guess they prefer to do it in private. And that’s fine. It’s a great program.

The 80/20 ratio notwithstanding, the most rewarding thing is when a couple does the Expanding in Love Workshop together. That’s when magic happens. We have saved countless marriages, and facilitated the ending of some, too, in a loving, respectful way.

My wife, JoAnn, always asks me whether I want to be part of any personal growth workshop she is keen to attend. I confess I am often resistant at first, but I go anyway, not quite kicking and screaming, but reluctantly. Then I’m glad I did.

So let me invite you women folk – or gay men, who do seem to find this work easier to embrace – to give your partner encouragement to open up and be willing to do what the Australian men do and let it all hang out.

There, now I have told you. Yes, the country where the men do come forward more readily to do this work is Australia. I told you it was counter-intuitive, didn’t I? Perhaps they need to forgive all those crocodiles and snakes down there and have overcome their fear of being bitten.

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Assess Your Relationship

never-put-the-cart-before-the-horseWhoops! Maybe I got the cart before the horse in my last blog. Maybe you haven’t done this awakening thing to the degree I assumed. So let me back up a bit.

The first thing to say is everyone is exactly where they need to be. If you are one of the majority of people who are still sleepwalking through their marriage, taking their spouses for granted, demanding the other meets their needs, dominating the other, playing power games, withholding sex, money or affection, etc., that’s perfect. You’re doing great.

That’s because you’re playing the game you came to play. It’s a game in which the purpose is to create opportunities to feel the pain of separation. Why? So you can come to know the opposite of it — Oneness. Remember?

Then comes the wake-up call. You begin to realize we are all in this together and we are not separate at all. That’s when your relationship changes dramatically — assuming it hasn’t already been blown apart by all those dramas you each created FOR each other in the pre-awakening period.

That said, if you are not quite sure where you are in this process of awakening and need to get a fix on your relationship now so you can decide how you want to re-negotiate it in order that you both can take it to the next level WITHOUT having to go through a huge breakdown experience, I strongly suggest you come to my FREE webinar tonight at 8:00 EST.

As you know from my webinar alert e-mail I sent out several days ago, I will be taking everyone through a special worksheet entitled Assessing Your Relationship. This will give you the perfect opportunity to examine where things stand in your relationship now. You will learn how you and your partner can make the changes that will take it to the next level. There will also be a live Q&A session immediately afterwards.

During the webinar, you will discover the unconscious agreements you both made before the relationship. By bringing these into the light, you and your partner can begin to renegotiate your relationship. And don’t worry if your partner is reluctant to participate. Open the door and shift the energy and you may well find that you both want to build a new, awakened relationship together.

Register here if you haven’t already done so. I look forward to seeing you there and if you can’t listen live, register anyway and you’ll be sent a link to the replay.

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