Colin’s Hot Topics for Radical Living

by Colin Tipping

The more technology shrinks and connects our world, the more we are confronted with challenges that we have to deal with, almost on a daily basis. As I watch it all unfold, I will be inspired from time to time, to focus attention on and share with you how my Radical Living Strategies can help all of us meet our challenges with greater ease and compassion. My hope is that these offerings give you the insight you need to create the peaceful, fulfilling life you desire.

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Don’t You Love ‘em? Your Parents, I Mean!

ParentsDon’t You Love ‘em? Your Parents, I Mean!

To forgive people using the Tipping Method (Radical Forgiveness) is actually to come to a place of appreciation for who they really are. It is coming to see them as the divine beings they always were, no matter how they showed up in the human world.

The holiday season is the time of year when you have the best opportunity to appreciate your parents, who are, if they are still alive, not getting any younger, any more than you are!

Soon the roles begin to reverse. You will start acting like the parent and begin treating them like the children. (The older they get, the more irritating they can be. Ask my kids!)

The first step in appreciating someone is to let go of all the judgments you harbor about them, both now and in the past. Can’t remember them? Don’t worry. If you are getting together with your parents over the holiday, they will soon come flooding back. If they are no longer with you, holidays can bring up the memories.

The next step is to let go of any need or expectation that they are any different from the way they are. Accept them the way they are, or were if they are no longer with us. (By the way, all that we are saying here applies just as much if your parents are dead. You are doing this for yourself, remember?)

We do, of course, have a worksheet for this. (Surprise, surprise!) It’s called the Radical Acceptance Worksheet. It’s downloadable from our website in the Free Stuff section of Colin’s Cafe at no charge, so go ahead and get one. Just click the Colin’s Cafe link on the top menu and make a few copies for use over the holidays. It will help you first recognize your judgments and expectations and then release them. I bet you will need one for each parent.

Like I said in the beginning, forgiveness is the same as appreciation of who people really are, not as they seem to be. So I would recommend that you look to see what your parents might have done in the past, or are doing now, that you still feel yucky about.

Then, in addition to doing the Acceptance Worksheet, forgive your Mother, Father or both using the Radical Forgiveness Process. As I have said before, this will make your family reunion a great deal more enjoyable.

If your parents are a bit grumpy this time of year, you might ask yourself why. Probably for the same reasons you get grumpy this time of year! Maybe they feel the expectations on them are too great, or maybe they are feeling that, although they really WANT to keep all the traditions the same, they aren’t physically able to do everything they feel is required.

Returning to last week’s topic of gift giving, how about you give them a break and offer to host a holiday dinner yourself? Or maybe gather the family to pitch in a little more, or even hire some help (like a house cleaner for the season, or better yet, a year). That might do a lot to lower the stress level. Any way you can show you appreciate them. That’s what they want most.

Love and Blessings,

Colin

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Do you attach strings to the gifts you give?

bad giftDo you attach strings to the gifts you give?

“Oh, how nice – just what I wanted. Thank you so much.” [Oh heck! How awful! What am I going to do with this thing now? It will have to be on display when she comes round or she’ll be hurt and annoyed.]

Have you ever been in this position? It can be very embarrassing, not to mention exasperating. It’s not fun to pretend you like it when really you can’t wait to dump it in the garbage or re-gift it to someone.

Getting the right gift for someone is also a difficult and stressful experience. I never know what to give JoAnn. And she’s no help. “I have all I need,” she says when I ask her what she wants for Christmas. (Last year she got a gift certificate for a spa day. She enjoyed it.)

But what is a gift? When is a gift not really a gift? There are three criteria for it to be a true gift:

1. You really do want to give it.
2. You are pretty sure that the person wants what you have to give.
3. No strings attached!

Let’s look at each one of these.

1. A very high percentage of gifts given at any of the feast days that include the exchange of gifts are given, not out of a genuine desire to give, but out of obligation. It is expected.

To the extent that you wouldn’t give the person a gift if you didn’t have to, then this criteria of a genuine gift is not met. It is a fraud. A cynical yearly ritual that, truth be told, most of us despise deep down.

2. Trying to meet the second criteria, usually, means hours walking around the mall or scouring the internet looking for the perfect gifts. This is extremely difficult and exhausting (except for those who just love to shop no matter what.) It is all the more galling when you have found something for some distant relatives you hardly know or like who just happen to be coming for the festivities.

3. The third criteria is emotionally the most difficult of all. Giving up your attachment to what the person does with it after you have given it is the one most people cannot achieve.   And yet it is perhaps the most important.

Let me ask you this. If you come bearing a gift for me that you really want to give me (Criteria #1), and you feel sure I will appreciate it (Criteria #2), would you be angry and hurt to learn that I had given it on to someone else who I felt would appreciate it more than me?

If so, it is not a true gift. You failed on Criteria #3. You set me up to feel obliged to keep what I really did not want, and you set yourself up for disappointment.

There is a parallel here with Radical Forgiveness. If you forgive someone and expect them to applaud you for your spiritual largesse, apologize for the harm they did, or even change their behavior towards you as a consequence, that is not forgiveness. Too many damn strings.

Just like a gift, having strings attached nullifies the whole thing. Forgiveness done with the expectation of something coming back is simply an attempt to manipulate the other person. It is not forgiveness.

Item number 5 on the Radical Forgiveness worksheet says this, “My discomfort was my signal that I was withholding love from my myself and _______ by judging, holding expectations, wanting ______ to change and seeing _______ as less than perfect.”

Do you judge your partner and expect he/she will change to fit your idea of how he or she should show up?

Somehow those expectations come into sharper relief during the period leading up to and during the holiday season. So, what kind of gift will you give your partner this year, if anything? Do you have any idea what he or she wants? Will you be able to satisfy those three criteria?

I can’t help you with that of course. Sorry. But I can suggest another gift you might give that he or she will know nothing about (unless he/she notices a big difference in you and asks what you have done). It will not only meet all three criteria, it will also do wonders for your relationship.

Think back and list all the things your partner has done that have pissed you off in some way. Issues around sex or money perhaps. Being let down or lied to maybe. Or, anything that continues to linger in your mind and still comes between you from time to time.

Choose the one to which you have the most energy attached. Then do one of the Radical Forgiveness processes. The 21-Day Program for Forgiving Your Partner would be ideal or one of the downloadable worksheets in the Free Stuff section of Colin’s Cafe. Then see what happens.

Primarily, of course, this would be a gift to yourself, but there’s no better way to say to your partner, “I love you, and I see the light in you. I know that what you did, you did not TO me but FOR me. Thank you. I demand nothing of you that you do not want to give. I bestow on you nothing you do not wish to receive. My love has no strings attached.”

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The Joy (and Pain) of the Family Reunion

large familyCan the Pain of the Family Reunion be Turned to Joy?

It’s Fall already. November is upon us. The leaves are turning all sorts of gorgeous colors as they and much of the natural world begins to turn inward and close down, ready for the winter months. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could do the same?

But that’s not how it works. For us, November portends the exact opposite. A month and a half of frantic preparation for what we laughingly call a season of joy and good will.

The pretense is maintained by such things as the obligatory exchange of gifts nobody really wants or needs, the sending of cards to people we feel we should try to stay in touch with, the feasting, the booze and worst of all – the family re-unions.

Ah… Yes: the family reunions? Even without a special time set aside for this, aren’t we supposed to enjoy getting together with our parents, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren? Doesn’t the family connote oneness, togetherness and deep emotional ties?

Actually, no. It’s the opposite in fact. The family is the perfect institution within which to experience what we came into this life to have – the experience and the pain of separation.

Who better than our parents, grandparents and siblings to set us up for this? They give us many such opportunities to feel separation during the most formative period of our lives, which we then go on and leverage in adulthood.

It is a perfect arrangement – and I mean perfect in the spiritual sense. It is a soul agreement based on Love. We’ve probably done it many times before, as a soul group, with each of us playing different roles for each other.

Family reunions are nothing more than our choosing to get a booster shot of all the old recipes for the pain of separation.

However, if you still believe you are the victim of that separation rather than the grateful recipient of what you came in to experience, it will continue to hurt. On the other hand if you reframe it in this way, you will have the experience of joy and good will.

So, my advice is to keep this in mind as you get together with family during the feast days of each holiday. Instead of getting upset and angry about the things that are said, not said, or implied; behavior that reminds you of the pain of separation you endured during the early years; and more, just remember the purpose of it all and shift into gratitude.

In preparation for this season, do the forgiveness work before you go. Browse through this site and pick the tools that will work best for your situation. Radical Forgiveness is all about shifting your perception in the direction of realizing that the people who appear to be the most trying are the very ones who are giving you exactly what you wanted.

The moment you are able to see this and feel a sense of gratitude arising in you, the judgment and irritation associated with the judgment will evaporate. The offending behavior in the other person will stop, too, since the reason for it being there will have disappeared.

Choose peace and joy and see the perfection.

 

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Kids causing you grief?

forgive stoneKids causing you grief?

In the last blog, I mentioned that we often have a need to forgive our own kids. I would like to say more about this.

When we decide to have children, we expect it to be a joyous experience. But there are times when it is anything but. Our kids can cause us pain and anguish right from the babyhood stage all the way through to late adulthood.

As with all our relationships, it is often necessary to apply Radical Forgiveness to our children, no matter the age or stage.

It may seem odd, or even non-parent-like, to think about the ways in which we need to forgive our kids… it feels somehow like a betrayal. But, when we acknowledge the ways in which our children have hurt us, and realize how our children are our healing angels for those hurts to be healed, it can make a phenomenal difference in your relationship with your children.

We expect the teenage years to be trying, and they often are. It is part of their development task at this stage to be rebellious, difficult and independent minded, but that doesn’t mean we should not do Radical Forgiveness on them when the situation demands it.

Remember, we do the forgiveness for ourselves, not for them. But in the process of doing a Radical Forgiveness worksheet or the 21-Day Program for Forgiving Your Kids, you may discover that he or she was teaching you something about yourself. Kids are great for reflecting your own shadow stuff. That realization alone can change everything.

If your child seems ungrateful, ask yourself if you are also at times ungrateful for what you have or for the people who do things for you. Then love yourself for being ungrateful. Your child will pick up on your willingness to love yourself for that and will likely stop being ungrateful because the lesson is learned.

Do your kids refuse to “do what you think is best?” How controlling were your parents? Have you forgiven them yet? Do the forgiveness work on your parents and see what a difference it makes in how your kids relate to you and how you respond to them.

But sometimes the pain of the teen years pale into insignificance compared to the suffering that many adult children inflict on their parents. This can take the form of rejection, abandonment, abuse, control, preventing contact with grandchildren and so on. The older the parent gets, the worse it can become, as the roles reverse and the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child.

When and if you see signs of toxicity entering into your relationship with a child who is now an adult, you need to recognize this might be a very important healing opportunity for you.

Do some worksheets immediately available for free in Colin’s Cafe. Or if you’re relationship is seriously toxic, do the 21-Day Program for Forgiving Your Kids as soon as possible. It will open up the energy between you in a way that is little short of magical. You will be amazed at what might happen.

Posted in Relationships, Tools | 3 Comments

Who’s on your Radical Forgiveness bucket list?

bucket-list-picWho’s on your Radical Forgiveness bucket list?

Lack of forgiveness is known to be very bad for your health. It is not so well acknowledged that it is also very bad for your death.

I don’t wish to be morbid, but this is worth considering, no matter how far away death might seem to you. After all, anyone with any sense makes a will, so why not a bucket list of those you need to forgive before you die?

Think about it.

Not only will death come more peacefully when you have forgiven everyone in your life before you die, but if you make the transition while still holding anger and resentment, you will take it with you.You will not be free of it. You will have to deal with it on the other side, and there’s no guarantee it will be any easier.

Not only will you be burdened by the crappy energy you take with you, so will the person you haven’t forgiven, assuming it mattered to them. Any amends they might have made while you were alive are now impossible. It becomes unfinished business, and that makes it even more toxic that it was before.

So, if you want your death to be as easy and pain-free as possible, why not start the Radical Forgiveness process now and get all that toxic energy out of your body while you can? It doesn’t matter how old you are. Do it while you still have breath in your body and the mental capacity to remember who it is you need to forgive and why.

Note: There are still a couple of spots left in our upcoming Miracles workshop in January but you will have to be quick because it is limited to just 12 people. This is our most intensive Radical Forgiveness workshop, so give it some thought. Click here for more information or to make your reservations now.

There’s much to be gained by doing all the forgiveness work you can on those who are still alive, as well as on those who are already dead. Not to mention that it is good for your health and may prevent cancer from arising in your body.

One place to start would be with your parents. I doubt whether there is a person on the planet that does not have some reason to forgive their parents, and this is no less true if they are already dead. After all, the parent/child relationship is characterized by conflict and that conflict continues to shape us long after we’ve left our parents’ house.

“Breaking Free” – 21 Day Online Program for Forgiving Your Parents

Remember, we chose our parents to give us our first and most intense experience of separation. If they are dead, do a worksheet on them. If they are still alive, do a worksheet on them. Clear as much remaining negative energy as you can.

If you are a parent yourself, you may need to forgive your kids for some things as well, like their rebellion as teenagers, resistance to your rules, drug use, moving away and depriving you of access to your grandchildren, and so on. We don’t often talk about forgiving our own children, but in my experience the pain they can cause can be every bit as hurtful as the abuse children suffer from parents.

Great Expectations – 21 Day Online Program for Forgiving Your Kids

Then there are our siblings. There are often reasons to forgive them for how it was growing up with them, and for how things have turned out since.

It is not surprising, therefore, that as we move into the holiday season, we find ourselves becoming tense and anxious about being together. The holidays are great for reflecting all of our non-forgiveness for us… both those we’ve not forgiven, and those who have not forgiven us. We also have floods of memories of those who have passed where some forgiveness is still required.

Family Matters – 21 Day Online Program for Forgiving Your Siblings

The key to making family re-unions like Thanksgiving enjoyable as well as healing, is to do all the forgiveness work you can before you go. You will be amazed at the difference it makes. Don’t leave it to yet another holiday season that you will find yourself simply enduring, rather than enjoying, because of all the toxicity that still needs to be healed.

And, if you really want to heal a wound or come to peace about something that still hurts, give yourself a great holiday present and consider joining me in January for the Miracles Workshop.

Blessings,

Colin

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Shift happens. Experience it today.

Register for Free Webinar

October 16, 2014
1:30 PM Eastern Time

Shift happens. Experience it today.

Shift Happens. You know that one. You also know that if you remove the “f” in shift that’s how it is most often experienced, at least at first.

The big shift that we are hoping to be just around the corner is likely to be no different, especially if all the prophecies about it turn out to be right on the money.

How we ride this shift and survive the process without descending into fear and hopelessness is the subject of today’s webinar. I hope you will join us.

Click here to register for the Free Radical Transformation Worksheet webinar.

We humans have been evolving toward higher awareness for a long, long time, and yet we feel it in our bones that we are about to take this leap into a whole new reality.

I personally believe we’ve already entered into the process of making the shift. And, that all the turmoil in the world is evidence of how we are trying to collapse our current reality based on fear, separation, pain and suffering, into a reality based on Love, Harmony and Oneness.

We shall experience the birth of a wholly new way of living and being, but first the old way of living has to die. Already we are beginning to witness the death of the social order as we know it. On a global scale, it’s the equivalent of a healing crisis that everyone experiences before their own awakening.

In today’s free webinar, I will explain the Radical Transformation worksheet. This is a tool we use to keep our vibration high even when everything around us is breaking down, or when specific events occur out there that seem anything but perfect. It helps us to stay awake and enables us to move through any such experience with a knowingness that everything is in divine order, regardless of how it may appear.

Do join us today by clicking here to register for the free Radical Transformation Worksheet webinar.

Blessings,

Colin

Posted in Events | 1 Comment

We Feel Their Grief

beauty girl cryWe Feel Their Grief

If you read my last blog on transforming the energy of world events, you’ll recall that much of our reaction comes from the emotions the particular event brings up for us. I think the one emotion we can readily identify with when we see people suffering the effects of war and natural disasters is grief.

Even if, on the nightly news, we have only tiny glimpses of those who have lost family, friends and their homes expressing their grief, it is still hard to watch. We can hardly imagine how we would feel if we lost half as much as they. We feel the grief with them and for them.

But insofar as we can empathize with them, it is likely to trigger our own grief, not to mention a whole range of other emotions. That’s why it is so hard to watch and why a lot of people avoid information about what is happening out there in the world. That’s not good.

Whereas in many cultures it is understood that grief is a long term emotion, expected to last at least a year, in our culture it is given short shrift. A few days off perhaps and then back to work. The grief is then suppressed. It will remain that way until it gets triggered by watching others grieve openly and with full expression of the pain.

If we are to make the kind of difference in the world that I outlined in the previous blog, we need to do our own work. If we suppress our grief, or any other pain, this will only lower our vibration. We need to feel it and be present to it.

Grief does not pass quickly like some emotions. Anger, for example, can be very intense, but once expressed it usually subsides quickly and is gone. Grief lingers. It smolders. It burns deep inside. It consumes us, especially where there is much around us that reminds us of what we had and perhaps didn’t appreciate when we had it.

The pain of loss will take as long as it takes. But if we apply the Radical Forgiveness philosophy to the situation, even while we are confronted by seemingly tragic events, we become able to separate the pain from the suffering. Let me explain the difference.

Pain is pain but suffering is optional. The suffering comes when we add to the sense of loss a whole bunch of negative and erroneous beliefs about death itself, how it occurred, who was to blame for it, why it happened the way it did, and so on. The suffering caused by these beliefs is often more intense than the loss itself.

When we give up all those assumptions and the need to make the death itself tragic and the focus of our pain, we are just left with the sensation of loss alone. We have coined the term Radical Grieving to describe that process.

So when we do the Radical Transformation worksheet on what is happening out there in the world, we are doing the same thing. We feel empathy and compassion for those caught up in the situation, but we choose to let go of all the other stuff that only makes it worse. None of it is true anyway.

With the Radical Transformation worksheet, we ensure that we inject into the situation only high vibration thoughts and wishes, as well as support and compassion for those in pain. By so doing, we create the kind of energy that will ensure a peaceful end to the situation causing it. That’s why we call it Radical Transformation.

This process is so important, I’m sharing a free webinar on the Radical Transformation worksheet on October 16th at 1:30 PM Eastern time. You can sign up by clicking here. Don’t worry if you can’t make it on that day, when you register you’ll ensure you receive a link to the recording which will be available for a few days after the event.

Also, when you register, you’ll get access to another free mini-class on Radical Grieving, plus the opportunity to save $37 on the Radical Grieving Online Program.

Please join me and learn how you can radically transform yourself and the world.

Blessings,

Colin

Posted in Radical Grieving | 2 Comments

Shock and Awe – Again!

ShockAwe_img_largeShock and Awe – Again!

Much as President Obama has tried to keep us out of overseas wars, he, like everyone else, has been sucked in, yet again, to the idea that violence is the answer. ISIS must be eradicated.

You have to wonder, are we addicted to war? Is it in the human DNA? Could it be different? Can any one of us change it? Jesus tried his best and we see what happened to him.

As things stand, given the level of human consciousness, the status quo is not subject to change. At least not yet. That’s because it will only change when a sufficient number of people wake up. It seems we are a long way off from that point right now.

But take heart. In Gregg Braden’s book, The Isaiah Effect: Decoding the Lost Science of Prayer and Prophecy, he quotes a mathematician who worked out that if the number of people equal to the square root of 1% of the population were to raise their vibration to around 400 – 500 on the Hawkins Scale of Consciousness, there would be world peace immediately. That number turns out to be less than 8,400.

That’s not very many given that the population of the world is about 7 billion. World peace begins to look achievable, especially when you consider that according to David Hawkins’ Scale of Consciousness, the qualities of mind he says calibrate at between 350 and 400 (including acceptance and forgiveness) are the same qualities present in those practicing Radical Forgiveness on a consistent basis.

That means those of us who are awake and have adopted the Radical Forgiveness philosophy as our worldview and lifestyle can make a huge contribution to the raising of human consciousness and the creation of world peace.

And that doesn’t only mean applying Radical Forgiveness to our personal lives. When we are confronted with world events that look awful, tragic and disastrous when viewed from a human perspective, we need to be able to recognize that even in these situations there has to be spiritual purpose in there somewhere – even though we don’t know what it is.

If we can do this, and by so doing, maintain our vibration at a higher level than if we were to sink into despondency and hopelessness, we will definitely begin to make a very significant difference indeed to the overall level of vibration of the human race.

David Hawkins himself says that 400-450 is the point at which, if sufficient numbers of people were to consistently vibrate around that level, a significant shift in consciousness would take place.

But, let’s face it. This is not easy, no matter how awake you are. It’s very hard to see any perfection in, for example, the current situation wherein the group known as Islamic State are killing and terrorizing vast numbers of people, beheading people on video, and committing genocide all in the name of some perverted version of their religion.

I wish I could offer some erudite spiritual interpretation of what is happening. I can’t. But what I can say is that, as a general rule, when people act out in extreme ways that we find utterly despicable and very upsetting, they are usually mirroring for us what we need to heal in ourselves: That which we have denied, repressed and projected onto them.

In this case, this might be our own violent streak and our own propensity to use religious beliefs as a justification for doing things that are, by any other standards, wrong or simply immoral. We need only look back at the barbarism of the Crusades in Europe, of slavery in the Americas, and any host of other atrocities justified by religion to see that our collective violent past still plagues us.

What I can offer by way of assistance, however, is a Radical Transformation worksheet that is designed to first encourage you to feel your outrage, sorrow, grief, etc., that you might be feeling about a situation like this, or any other world event that seems awful. Second, it invites you to look at your reactions and possible ways you might give practical assistance or support for those involved, including the troops.

Finally, it helps you stay open to the possibility that there are no accidents. What is occurring out there is a reflection of what is in all of humanity that needs to be healed – i.e. loved and accepted.

If used in conjunction with a Radical Forgiveness worksheet done on the Jihadists, you will find you will become more optimistic and peaceful in spite of what is happening. But more importantly, perhaps, you will be actually contributing towards the creation of a peaceful outcome of the war.

As you may be aware, these worksheets enable us to bypass our minds and connect with our Spiritual Intelligence. That is the part of us that connects us to the world of Spirit or Universal Intelligence. I regard these worksheets, which include ones for Radical Forgiveness, Radical Self-Acceptance, Radical Self-Forgiveness, and Radical Transformation, as secular prayer.

I have already done webinars on all but the one that is the subject of this essay – Radical Transformation: Applying the Strategy of Radical Forgiveness to World Events. I left it until last because, while it is the simplest one of all of them to do, it is the most challenging to our intellect and the one a lot of people would reject. It is just so far away from how we experience life out there.

But I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that I do have a free webinar scheduled in which I explain this worksheet and show how it can help us all change not only ourselves but the world as well.

So do make a note of it and join me on Thursday, October 16th at 1:30 PM Eastern time to learn more about how you can contribute to world peace by transforming yourself through the Radical Transformation Worksheet.

Click here to register or go to http://webinarjam.net/webinar/go/1847/b0e200c606 now.

Can’t attend? Register and you will be sent a link for the replay once the webinar has ended. It will be good for 72 hours.

Blessings,

Colin

Posted in Current Events, Tools | 6 Comments

Is it over? If so, what’s next?

divorceIs it over? If so, what’s next?

The process of expanding into love, as we’ve been covering it for the past several weeks, does not always mean that the relationship continues.

Some couples will find, after one or both of them have awakened and gone through the renegotiating process, that compromise was not possible, or that their relationship has simply run its course and accomplished what it was meant to accomplish.

Nevertheless, the process of just getting to that point may well have expanded your capacity to love, not just love your partner but yourself too. You loved yourself enough to have asserted your need to have a relationship be a certain way, with boundaries established and values declared. You will have recognized that your partner was unable to fulfill your needs and hopefully you were able to love and accept him or her in spite of that, and leave on a good note.

The more we bring an expanded consciousness to the break-up situation, the better it will turn out, and the sooner you will be able to attract a new partner to share your life with, assuming this is something you desire.

If that is the case, I suggest you follow some rules about how to go about attracting a new mate, assuming you haven’t already done so.

The first and most important is to leave a significant amount of time between leaving one relationship and even thinking about creating another.   I think you should avoid relationships for at least 6 months, preferably a year.

No matter how centered and loving the divorce process was, when you leap straight into another relationship, even a casual one, you inevitably take with you all the issues you had in the last relationship.

Another important rule is to make sure you do the Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness work on all your previous relationships before going into a new one.

If meeting someone else precipitated the breakup of the previous relationship, you still want to be sure you leave a good long time, 6 months or a year, before you move in with each other. (Women beware – men are usually the ones to suggest moving in ASAP. You can guess why.)

You may even want to take a break for a while so you can both spend some time working on yourselves, going through Radical Forgiveness and Radical Self-Forgiveness work so that you have a basis from which to negotiate the new relationship.

Finally, get very clear on your values and boundaries. Also, look at where you would be willing to compromise and where you would not. Identify the deal killers and be sure to stick to your guns on them. Only if you are clear about what you want (and don’t want) in a new relationship will you be able to manifest the relationship that you desire.

Remember, you’ve done the separation game so you don’t need any more of that kind of thing. You deserve a loving and equal relationship.

Blessings,

Colin

P.S. The best way to prepare for a new relationship is to heal the old ones! Try our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop – and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time. You’ll find it’s an invaluable toolkit for clearing old beliefs and habits, setting clear boundaries for the future, even discovering your sexual personality and how it effects your relationships. Get started today!

Posted in Relationships | 3 Comments

Forgiving is Not Liking

let go of hurtForgiving is Not Liking

The word forgiveness normally comes with a whole load of baggage. Because of its religious connotation, a lot of people think one should forgive in order to be considered righteous. This is not forgiveness. It’s pseudo-forgiveness.

When we talk about forgiving a debt or pardoning someone, we are not really forgiving them. We are just letting them off the hook.

Letting it go or trying to forget or move on is just another form of denial. It is not forgiveness. The toxic energy of the grievance remains in the body and will likely come out, in the end, as a disease.

Another assumption that attaches itself to forgiveness is that to be able to forgive them, you have to like them. That is not so in the least.

Even if you despise the person (the human being and his or her personality etc.), you can still forgive them. That’s because the process of forgiving is not about the other person. It’s about you. You do the forgiveness for you.

This happens in spite of your own very human and justifiable feelings of disdain. In the end, it comes down to whether you have the capacity to see beneath the unlikeable, despicable character manifesting in front of you and recognize the divinity in him or her.

This is not easy and that’s why we have created tools, like the Radical Acceptance of Another Worksheet, to help us shift our perception of the person so we can understand that he or she is the way he or she is because that’s exactly how he or she is meant to be.

As I wrote in my first book, Radical Forgiveness: “There are no exceptions. If you can’t forgive Hitler, you can’t really forgive anyone.”

Just as you don’t need to like them to forgive, neither do you need to stay around them if they remain emotionally or physically toxic to you. While you need to move away from them (and in Hitler’s case, wage war on him), it doesn’t stop you doing the Radical Forgiveness work on them.

Like all the worksheets, it asks that you be honest. Begin where you are and accept how you feel about the person. In other words, accept your humanness. Even if you don’t end up liking the person one bit better after having done the worksheet, the work will have been done at the energetic level anyway. You may find yourself feeling a little differently about them – neutral, perhaps, with very little energy left one way or the other.

Because the real goal of Radical Forgiveness is all about healing the illusion of separation, you might also consider the possibility that the other person is offering you the opportunity to heal that myth of separation, both within yourself, between you and him/her, and between the world of spirit and the world of humanity.

By recognizing the divinity in the other person, no matter the horrible things he or she may have done, you are connecting more deeply to the Love that is behind everything.

Blessings,

Colin

P.S. The Radical Acceptance of Another Worksheet mentioned in this blog are available in PDF form when you sign up for Free Stuff at RadicalForgiveness.com. If you have past and present relationships to heal, or want to prepare for a new one, take a look at our new Expanding in Love Online Workshop, and choose a free bonus gift for a limited time.

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